The David to get the Twilight treatment! Shocking News!

The art world was rocked today when the Florence Arts Commission announced that it would be going ahead with it plan to “update” its most famous figure by carving the face anew. The statue will soon be graced by the vampiric visage of Twilights Robert Pattinson. The announcement came as a surprise, though there have been rumors about it since the hiring of Larenzo “Lori” Fontana as the FAC director last June.

In the press conference this morning Fontana elaborated on the historic move. “In these day and time we needing to think about the futures. The numbers are so low that I think many young people would rather die than go around looking at these old stuffs. To be honest I think that we need to do something special so that we can bring people in to looking at this things in the next 400 years. This man Robert Pattinson, you know, the R-Patz. He is the sexy. He can make the women swoon so good. So I know that this David, he is too boring. I have to look at him and I am immediately boring to tears. Honestly, most the time I am looking at him I am updating my Twitter. So we have needing to put the R-Patz to bring up the sexy.”

When an angry reporter (who was lucky he was let out of his retirement community) tried to pick a fight with Fontana for “ruining priceless art” the director flashed a winning smile. “You asking is priceless? OK so now it become better. Twilight Saga and Robert Pattinson is priceless. Try to interesting young people in this stuffs without so sexy. Impossible!” Obviously Fontana had already asked himself that question!

So despite protests and hate mail, the statue will be taken down from its pedestal next Monday and brought to the studio of Mario Pena who will begin work on the face. The sculptor spent a day studying the face of the actor and it is reported that he is getting paid $20 million for lending his look to the piece! The project is due to be completed by summer and the finished work is highly anticipated.

Interestingly, Fontana hinted that he was working with the Louvre on a special project, and I can only hope that rumors about painting Rob’s co-star Kristen Stewart on the Mona Lisa are true! Now that would truly be sexy!

Stud looking for friends

Essentially I am doing nothing. I am supposed to be writing, which I have neglected to do. I am supposed to be working on my truck, that is not happening. If any of my readers feel like adopting me, I am cheaper than buying a new puppy. Plus I am trained to use a litter box. Anyway, in my drone like state I went back to craigslist, this time checking out Seattle. What a welcomed surprise I found! Here it is:

stud lookin for friends - w4w - 22 (Bremerton)

What sup dis dat stud comin str8 from da 360...just on here looking for friends only n thats it.....i'm lookin for a nice femme that can keep it real str8 up no bullsh*t at all....just get at me for pix 

Short and to the point. He says it like he means it. Str8 up. I was slightly confused that he says w4w, and the tone of his writing is decidedly masculine. I am guessing that perhaps, being a stud, he just wanted to get as many women as possible. Or perhaps he is a female stud. I am sure they exist. For those who are not local to Washington state, the term "from da 360" means nothing. Neither does Bremerton. What you should know is that the area is virtually busting at the seams with studs. In fact it is known locally as the "Stud Sector." Not only are the studs stunning, but they are sensetive and caring studs too. So when he makes the opening statement "sup dis dat stud str8 from da 360" he is essentially showing you his pedigree papers as a pure bred bremerton stud. So the fact that he is asking for someone who can "keep it real str8 up" is almost a given. You do realize that you are reading the posting of a genuine stud don't you? Don't you? This post is still up, and I advise all "femmes" to respond. You could be missing the opportunity of a lifetime!

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This speaks for itself

Hey, I was waiting for the coolant to drain from my radiator and I found this gem. It is so long I won't even comment. I would love to hear what you think about this fellow. Read carefully, the beauty is in the details. It is nearly perfect.

Fun Loving Sexy Black Guy, Snowed In!!! - 34 (Leawood Kansas)

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Date: 2011-02-01, 12:22PM CS

If you do write me, can you try and tell me what's in my picture? Then you seem more like a real person, really you do.

So anyway about myself, I'm a divorced black man, a busy corporate IT professional during the day, after hours a part time active parent to some very, very energetic, kids. It makes for a busy, hectic schedule at times. But also, it means that when I do have free time, I look to make the most of it. Relaxing, chilling, having fun, getting in whatever R&R I can before it's time to do it all again. My free time activities vary, definitely during these long cold KC winters I get more in the mode to do stuff indoors, comedy shows, bowling/darts, dinner/movie night, I love to cook so entertaining at home always works, get a firelog blazing hot in the fireplace, some good food, good wine and good company, yeah that definitely works! Spring and Summer find me more out on the town, live music, arts shows, theater, I do it all.

Relationship wise, I looking for something exclusive but low key -- but I'm flexible, it's all about finding something that works for both people. Someone with a sense of humor, someone intelligent, caring, and open-minded, someone with a sense of adventure and energy to match, yeah that's me and that's what I'm looking for. Someone mature enough to know what's really real and important, but still young at heart enough to have some fun and live life!

Physically, for me, yes looks do matter, LMAO! I like a woman that definitely knows how to carry herself sexy classy, somewhat of a girly girl, and definitely I'm more into Muff than Muffin Top. I prefer slim to tight to sexy-phat (nope no BBWs just being real) I'm right at 6'0" with an athletic build, right around 190lbs -- medium brown complexion, with sexy brown eyes and a killer smile. I don't smoke, rarely drink, I eat right most of the time, I exercise and workout most days, and definitely I get my rest -- can't be hanging out all night going from bar to bar, club to club -- living life like an alley cat, not! So, definitely I need someone where my lifestyle is not gonna clash with theirs every day of the week, feel me?

So anyway, let's hear from you already. Age, race, religion, color, does it really matter? Not to me! And whomever keeps flagging my ad, lol, get a life please? I'm only gonna keep re-posting!

ps.....could someone please turn the heat back on outside next time you are out there? Thank You!!!

Whoever the jerk is that's flagging this guy, lay off, he is not an "alley cat." I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. it just goes to show that we all have needs. We all bring something to the table. I am sure he is going to find someone special, if not he will just repost it. Buzzsaw

PS-He has a lot of demands for a guy who won't post his picture.

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A brief note about the internet and stuff...

Hi there! Now that I have given you the nerdiest greeting ever, I want to show you something truly weird. I am sure many of you can remember how the internet providers used to mail you CD-Roms that gave you "free AOL minutes" etc. Well somewhere in Reno a guy actually posted a Craigslist ad trying to give away 20 of those bad boys. I thought it was ridiculous enough to pass on:

~20 Old Commercial CD's (Reno) Date: 2011-01-25, 11:31AM PST20 new unopened Cd's

Like AOL, earthlink etc.

Remember when you used to get these in the mail?

~5 in plastic jewel cases, most in cardboard mailers.

One is a mini, small diameter cd

I find it particularly amusing that he says they are both "new" and "unopened." Clearly one could argue the point that they are in fact not new at all, but essentially the whole thing is redundant. AOL? Earthlink? Do they even exist anywhere? Am I going to receive hate mail from the Bible Belt extolling the virtues of AOL? Honestly I don't know. I do know that I have an uncle who is fairly arcane, and still has an AOL e-mail address (here's to you A.D.!). Other than that I thought it had drifted away. In closing I want to tell a short story.

When I lived in Burien WA I had a blessed life. A nice front porch, a roommate who owned the house and was rarely home. Cool neighbors. A nice bar three blocks away. Aaah. Well one evening I had the chance to meet a neighbor I hadn't met before. She was in her late 30's and worked for a beer distributor or something. I told her I was moving to Forks on account of the whole Twilight thing. She thought it was interesting. She write down her e-mail which ended up floating around my truck for months. It was crazycatlady7@comcast.com does this blow anyones mind? Yes, there are more than one crazy cat lady at comcast.com! I don't even know one person on comcast e-mail. Not that I am high tech, rather I am more like a caveman.  Well the story gets funnier. One day I woke up and looked out the window to see her walking a large dog. Buzzsaw signing off.