ipadio: Amish

10 Harmonica Greats who make Bob Dylan look like a clown (part 2 of 10)

It must have been more than a year ago when I set out to write about ten of my very favorite harmonica players in an effort to show the misinformed that Bob Dylan has the harmonica aptitude of an asthmatic 8 year old with ADHD. In short, he doesn't actually play, he makes the noises which would be emitted if you jammed a harmonica into the mouth of a heavy smoker having sex. His playing has the musical quality of a cat getting stabbed. At best his playing is OK. If you think different, you would be wrong. Dead wrong. Anyway, without further ado I better get started with Mickey Raphael or this will turn into the ravings of a future homeless man...

 [Full Disclosure: Mickey says here that he is a huge fan of Dylan's harmonica playing, so I guess you could say that makes me look like an idiot, but... it's actually him that is wrong in this case...and Willie has great weed, so maybe he was high.]

He actually looks like my dad at the same age. Of course my dad probably did not have that bitchin' shirt!

Mickey Raphael. The first time I heard him play was on Willie Nelson's classic 1975 album, Redheaded Stranger. I bought it at age 19 because I had decided to learn country harmonica.Since I didn't know what I was doing I picked up a book by John Gondick about beginning country and blues harmonica. It had various lessons which I started working on. At the back of the book though was a treasure trove in the pre-internet (and for me pre-knowing how to play guitar) days. Gondick had taken a bunch of classic albums and listed the tracks along with the keys of the songs so you could play along! The Red Headed Stranger was among them. The album floored me. Both as a song cycle and with the sparse musical production combined with the feeling and virtuosity with which the instruments were played.

One thing I can tell you about Mickeys playing is that he has impeccable tone. He can make a harp rise and swell like a violin. Not only that but he can chop his chords and make it sound like a damn mandolin. The guy is amazing. What would have really blown my mind had I known (and possibly inspired me to quit playing) was that he had been jamming with Willie since the age of 22! They cut The Stranger he was only 24! Well at 19 I was locking myself in various rooms and playing those songs too, and it was killing me! Mickey could make a harmonica sound just like an accordion, and I could not figure it out! I worked on my chords until I could get them as smooth as I could manage, but still the sound eluded me! It wasn't until years later that I figured out that he was playing a tremolo harmonica to get that sound...well enough about my struggles!


Mickey started playing harmonica in Dallas during his teenage years. He had tried with guitar but could never quiet seem to get his fingers working the way he needed them to. So he made the fateful switch. In the early days (high school?) he played in the Dallas folk scene wherever there was a jam. Eventually he joined BW Stevenson's band, though when old BW got into the cocaine too hard Mickey Jumped ship. Luckily, the University of Texas' football coach Darrel Royal had somehow become a huge fan of his. One night in 1973 he invited Mickey to a hotel party and told him to bring his harps. Willie and Charlie Pride were both there. After they had jammed all night Willie invited Mickey to play with him sometime, which he did.

At the time, Willie Nelson was playing in Austin Texas in a duo that consisted of himself and Paul English his longtime drummer. Now what you should know is that not only was Paul English a former Dallas thug, but he was playing all the shows wearing a cape and sporting a sinister goatee. Legendary songwriter Jerry Jeff Walker stated in his autobiography that Paul English "looked like the devil." Another interesting element of the story was that Willie and Paul were both over forty. They had already seen it all. Mickey was just a young kid with an afro trying to play all the harmonica all the time!

Willie's fans have some good weed too it seems...

Well they played a few shows, then a few more. Then they went to New York and played. Then they kept playing. One day Willie looked at Paul and asked:

"How much are we paying this kid?"
"Nothing."
"Double it."

I could write more, but I think you should probably listen to the man himself:

Postscript: I could not check the sound quality of the video because I was listening to a concert while writing this. If you trust me, go look for yourself. Mickey has played with Willie for 40 years, and he is featured on all the albums. Peace!

ipadio: Intro to Central PA

A Hoboe Finds Home...

I had never in my life considered visiting Pennsylvania, let alone moving here. The way my life has been in the past few years it sort of felt like I would just turn into a tumbleweed and blow off into the dust. Since May 2010 I have been riding the river of life wherever it took me, from the Washington coast, down to Baton Rouge, up and down the west coast to California, a few layovers in Portland, a year in South 'stralia, picking apples for a couple days in Yakima, New York City for a long week, and then suddenly I found it. Or maybe I just got sucked in. Instead of taking the train across the country back to Seattle (which I did NOT want to do), I rolled the dice again. A lady friend in Chattanooga said I could stay with her as long as I wanted (brave since we have never actually met outside the confines of the internet), and another lady friend invited me to visit her in Harrisburg PA. The clincher was when she told me she had work the very next day painting. At the time I had around $39 so it was a no-brainer. I changed my reservation and boarded the train at Penn Station. Bound for the land of Will. I. Am. Penn.

I can see Will.I.Am Penn running down this street with a no nonsense suit made of glow sticks

On the train I had no idea what to expect. It didn't matter because I was moving. The clickety clack of the railroad train was calling. The land was all ripped apart with factories and canals through New Jersey, but it was something to be seen. When we got to Philly the houses changed into brick townhouses, the graffiti came back onto the periphery and again the old factory buildings I love loomed like the ghosts of great railroad and steel magnates shaking their fists at the sky and the ravages of time. But the road wound on.

On the road we always pack it in and pack it out.

I had been helping an older gentleman figure out how to use his computer and log in to his email, and throughout the trip he narrated to me the history of the area, from his perspective. The one piece of his perspective that stuck out was how the Germans and Mennonites refuse to learn. According to him (he was a professor and small town journalist) they simply would not read anything or study anything except The Farmers Almanac and the bible. Funny that I forgot that until right now.

If the Germans encounter any books they throw them off this ledge. Devils Pulpit, Lehigh Gap.

We pulled in to the old brick train station and I got off the train and went to inspect my surroundings. It was cloudy and cold, but I could see some architecture I liked. The dome of the capitol (or some damn dome) was rising above us into the chalky gray sky. Since I was waiting for a friend to pick me up, I considered running around the corner to buy a six pack of beer to kill the time. Lucky for me I didn't, the state of Pennsylvania has to be the most difficult place in the union to buy beer. Let me tell you a little about the arcane liquor laws...

No reason for this picture, but if it makes you want to drink beer, you are in for a few surprises...

HOW TO BUY BEER IN PA! THE BUZZSAW EDITION!!!!

The first time I visited a grocery store I took a stroll around to "check the prices" of the beer. It was nowhere to be found. Was the store owned by the Amish? The were using electric light and such, so that was unlikely, unless the whole power grid was attached to a giant treadmill in the basement, but that seemed a bit of a stretch. Finally I asked my friend who told me non-plussed that you had to go to a beer store. Now this was beginning to sound disturbingly similar to Amarillo TX, a place I had the misfortune to visit in November 2010. Things were getting desperate.

The next day I worked helping a friend of a friend move, afterwards I got the chance to pick the brain of a fellow beer drinking, whom I will refer to as Beer Drinkin' Bobby Bryant. What I learned was somewhat strange. he told me that you had two options for beer buyin' in PA. Option one was the beer store, which obviously had beer. option two was at bars. Of course I have encountered bars that sell beer to go before in Ellensburg WA and in 'stralia. What I hadn't encountered was the crazy ass law which limits your purchases to two six packs. Of course Beer Drinkin' Bobby Bryant said that as long as you left and came back in and made a "different" purchase, there was no limit. In Pennsylvania you can buy as much beer to go as you want as long as you go in and out of the bar a bunch of times. It sounded like something which predated prohibition. Well, I was OK. I was alright. I was working and stuff. But a couple weeks later I was really jonesing for beer. It was time to go to the beer store...

I think it was a Saturday. It didn't matter. I was getting beer. Probably a 12 pack and maybe a couple of nice IPA's in 24 ounce bottles. Yes. That was exactly what I was after. This was going to be awesome. So into to the beer store I went. Of course I must inform you that the beer store was also a butcher shop, though the beeves and stuff were in another part of the building. OK. Hold it together. It's about to be beer time...sort of.

Walking through the door I found myself being funneled through a sort of maze made out of different kinds of beer. Stacks and stacks! Cases and cases! It was amazing really. They had so many kinds of beer it was silly. It was also quite nice and a bit out of my price range. I realized that they were all in cases, and cases of IPA is in the $30-40 range, so I moved on through the beer fort (it was like a cross between a maze and a fort, so maybe I will call it a "mort"). Finally I found something up my alley, cans of Yuengling lager, the local brew. I figured I could get a 12 pack and then find my IPA's...I figured dead damn wrong! It took me about 20 minutes of wandering through the mort to realize that they ONLY SOLD IN INCREMENTS OF 24!!! That means, no IPA bottles unless I am going to pony up for the whole deal. It was surreal to finally understand that in PA the only way to get less than 24 beers was in a bar, but you can not buy 18 beers anywhere, unless you go to a bar, leave and come back! As much as I strove to find reason within this madness I couldn't get past the idea that it was actually just a really dumb law.

This is what everyone does here when they finally actually get beer (I was actually dead sober).

 That said, my liver has been doing well since I moved here. The town is beautiful, the people are kind of crazy (which works for me), and the Susquehanna river flows on past. Maybe I didn't provide you with any actual reasons I am staying here, but hell, I never signed a contract, you get what you get!

Strange Request Number One

For those who are interested (I'm looking at both of you) it shall be known henceforth that I have made the decision to stay and live in Harrisburg PA. It has been nearly 3 1/2 weeks since I arrived here and ten days since I made up my mind. The following post has nothing to do with this. At the start of the year I had almost completely finished my album and was in New York starting to write my book (My Name is NOT Edward), then things changed, I arrived in Harrisburg, got work, got sick, and found myself not writing but watching movies and resting. Once I realized that yes, I actually do need to get back to writing, I found myself in the unenviable position of kick starting my creative process after some days of relaxing. In order to do so I embarked on a bit of a journey.

During my countless hours of combing the Craigslist Strictly Platonic section I have come to notice some patterns. The newest one was that any post which contains the phrase "strange request" is going to be crazy as hell. I have found a few before which I used, but I hadn't searched for that particular phrase. So the other night I did that. All over the US. Of course it doesn't always come up, so I augmented my "research" with the keyword "Asian" which provided copious low hanging fruit as well. The following item was posted in its entirety on Minneapolis Craigslist and due to its relative insanity and length, I decided to feature it alone. Since it is so long management has urged me to insert pictures and captions throughout to break it up. That will be my contribution to this gem. If you are truly unfortunate I may add a bit of breakdown at the end where we look at some takeaways. So without further ado:

Any ladies want a good guy? - m4w - 27 (South metro)

Hello, I like to share a bit about myself and if you like it Post me something about you. But 1st Post in subject. " Color of your hair"

In this case pick one or two colors of hair.

Im not and WILL NOT EVER BE A SICKO like other MALES on Craigs list who show there Johnsons. 

Go ahead, search "There Johnsons" on Google Images. This was number four.

That is a private thing between you and your girl Not for everyone to see!

I am a white Norwegian guy who works 2 jobs. I lived in Norway for 12 years and visited Europe a few times. I was born on in Minnesota though. 

I had this taken the day I killed my first Reindeer!

I have my own Car and was close to buying a new house this summer but with 1 restriction I can fix and get a place this summer. 

Just one restriction....

A bit about my past history on Dating. I only been with 4 ladies on dates. My 2nd lady I was with I proposed to her 6 years ago, But sadly she got into a car accident and passed away. ;(

I KNOW YOUR PAIN BRA!

 During that time I was going to school and Graduated with 3 degrees. 

I was actually giving a speech at another graduation because I just got too many degrees!

When my girlfriend passed away, My family at the time happen to also have health issues and so did I. 6 days after my girlfriend passed away I had a Stress heart attack. (it does take 1-2 years for a person to re coop). I moved back with my mother at this time. When I was close to moving out. My mother had a PE. and I stayed to help her. I find Family is 1st. Its all you have.

This is me having a stress heart attack!

 From learning from my past I like a person who caring and honest as I am. I don't cheat, play or do any those type of games!. 

In fact, I only play for keeps!

I have morals and ethics like 95% of Guys don't have. They want 1 thing from you "the " bed, But I look at it. Ok that's great you scored and.... that leads what bragging?

I'm not gonna brag but my dead girlfriend said I had a nice pickle!

 Now it shows you your immature. Any who I want a person I be friends with and I could care with. It doesn't have to lead to the Bed. I be happy to be happy again with someone I could care about. 

I wouldn't be upset though if the "bed" was your place for relaxing.... ;)

Honest and morals and ethics imo are the best I got. I would say Im not the greatest looks. But I have a personality and caring. 

The glasses show off my zany side!

I enjoy Sports (I use to be a kicker/punter for the Badgers) I am a Football fan, Viking fan. Baseball, Hockey. I enjoy golfing bowling skying. I don't really go to bars, I never really a fan. I love plays, concerts, Operas, Art, Photos, Karaoke, Walks.

Kicker or punter. I'm just a sports nuts!

I am not the greatest communicator or best to understand on what you want at times. I can tell you why if you ask :) But trust me I do care!

I try to pick role models who are excellent communicators to improve my communicate!

What type of Ladies I like. I prefer Western Europe background. AKA Whites preferred type. Blond, Burnett's,

I REALLY like Burnett's!

  I am Not really into Read heads but you can still post I would consider ^_^.

I said READ heads! But you may as well fill out an application anyway, but you must provide three references!

If you are an Asian I might go for that if you are cute ^_- 

Nope! Thanks for trying!

 I like watching and doing a lot of lady type of things. I enjoy just being with a lady that I could care about, as deeply as my last girlfriend who passed away. Will you be the lady?

OK, I admit, we both just really need to get lei'd!

I dont want you to send a photo. I want you to Answer my question and tell me more of yourself ! (((((( Post in subject. " Color of your hair")))))) 

 



So there you have it. The most insane strictly platonic ad thus far in 2013. And no, I have nothing else to say. Buzz.

Craigslist Nightmares! Harrisburg PA!!!

If you didn't know, I recently spent 8 days in New York City and I am now heading south on an Amtrak train. It was good to go to New York because my only other experience in the Big Peach or whatever they call it was on The 8th Grade Trip; during which my time was spent trying to buy switchblade knives and look at boobies. I also fell asleep during one whole act of Phantom of The Opera and missed another due to dysentery (or something). Now, as an adult I could really maximize my switchblade buying skills! Sadly, I quickly learned that I was meant for a smaller, less polluted pond, and now I am bound for Harrisburg PA, on the way to Charleston SC and Chattanooga TN. So in order to acquaint myself with this new town, I went straight to Craigslist to see what the local perverts were up to!

HEY PENNSYLVANIA PERVS! I"M LOOKING FOR YOU!!!!!

 As per typical BS report standards, when I have pictures from the posts themselves I will use them and mark them as such. Today most of my findings did not so I will try to add a few pictures from my personal collection to make things fun. So buckle your seat belts, and let's get started!

6) Someone to relax with - m4w - 24 (Mechanics burg)

I like to watch movies and tv shows on Netflix to relax before and after work. I work a second shift job, 2:30 to 11:00. The only thing is I'd really like someone to enjoy it with me. This isn't about sex, that would be kind of hard with the 3 dogs anyway. I do live with my parents and my brother, yes I live with my parents, I'm trying to save some money to purchase a home. But enough back story. I'm just looking for someone to come over sometime between 9 and 12 to just watch Netflix with me and we can just relax before a hectic day of work. I'm a nice guy, and bit shy at first, I open up and I'm funny as I get to know you. If you've got some free time and don't mind 3 dogs hanging around us send me an email. 

What does it mean?

To begin with, this is about SEX. SEX and DOGS! DOGS WHO WILL BE WATCHING! There is also the distinct possibility that his parents and brother will be listening WHILE YOU ARE HAVING SEX TO NETFLIX!!!! WHILE THE DOGS HOWL AND STARE!!!!!! Also, are you ready for your morning sex? With THREE DOGS WATCHING? Lastly, there is no question that this guy has a terrible smelling room. With dog hair everywhere! Go for it ladies!!!!

You don't mind three dogs do you? I've been told I look like Ben Stiller too!

 

 

5) Fun and ticklish? - ww4ww - 29 (central Harrisburg)

Hi, Looking to see if by chance there are any other women who might be into pretty ticklish women? we are looking for all types, If you are a gal who thinks being tickled by another woman or tickling another gal would be fun then we need you, basically shooting fun tickling videos and are looking for girls or girlfriends who might think this would be a fun opportunity,, anyways, hope to hear from everyone interested:) these are alot of fun,, hurry and write us girls! the more ticklish the better,,Oh and if you have cute ticklish feet, even better,,haha

What does it mean? 
OK, we all know what it means. Moving right along...

Yes I know they didn't specify "Asian" but it's a pretty safe bet they just forgot to say it! HEE HEEE!!

 

4) I just want to cuddle!! - m4w - 25 (Harrisburg)

I know this is bad because I am involved with someone. It is very rare that we cuddle though! :-(
I am NOT looking for sex, I am looking for someone that wouldn't mind layng down and watching a movie.. sitting on the couch and watching a movie, having a conversation..
I am 420 friendly, I do also drink at times..
I'm 5'9. About 130lbs.

Change subject to "i'll cuddle with you"

Race, size, height doesn't matter!! Send at least 2 NONNUDE pics plz 

What does it mean?

This post has a lot going on. To begin with, cuddling is another word for sex. Probably rough sex. Second, he starts the post talking about his relationship, so STD's are most likely involved. This could be a wonderful opportunity! Then he says "I am NOT looking for sex" which means "I AM LOOKING FOR KINKY, KINKY SEX! Of course you have the option of having the sex with him while either lying down or sitting on the couch. He will be both drunk and high so your conversations ought to be fun as hell! Also this guy is skin and bones, so if you do cuddle it is bound to be a bit uncomfortable. Lastly, SEND NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDEEEEEE PIIIIIICCCCCSSS!!!! NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH LADIES, MY RIDE DOES HAVE A SPOILER! THANKS FOR ASKING!

3) Hang out? Hot tub? - m4w - 31 (Harrisburg)

Any women out there 18 to 40 want to come over tonight and hang out? We can have a few drinks...shoot some pool....hit my hot tub...just hang out and bullshit. This is not a ploy for sex! As i'm sure that's what most of you are thinking. NO sex! Just hanging out..meeting a new friend...... 

What does it mean?

THIS IS A PLOY FOR THE SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELP! MY HAND IS BECOMING A DESK!!! NOW IT WONT FIT IN THE HOT TUB! (real picture from post)

 

 

2) Access to a hot tub - m4mw - 44 (Hershey/Palmyra/Annville)

Would like to have access to someone's hot tub to soak with my girlfriend. Must be discreet so my wife doesn't find out. Would not use very often, but once in a while would be nice to be able to hang out with her. You can join as well, but no looking into a swinging situation. Thanks

What does it mean?

Yes. You have just been asked if some guy can come to your house and bang his girlfriend in your hot tub. It doesn't look like you get anything out of it either, perhaps you get to watch though. And you can't tell the wife! It seems like a great deal, and if there is a hot tub where I am staying I am replying. Sometimes the deals on here are just great!

Could you please clean it before we come over? Thanks!

  

  

1) looking to trade wifes photos for email - 32

We recently left Comcast and my wife liked their email service, plus we watched their streaming content online. We would be willing to trade photos for an @comcast.net email account. Photos of her or photos of us together, you choose. Use the word 'comcast' in your reply or it goes into the spam folder automatically. 

What does it mean?

This couple just really loves Comcast email. A LOT.

I'm sooo hot for Comcast... (real picture from post)

 So in closing, let's just say I am more than a little excited to be arriving in Harrisburg! Love Buzz!

Wolf Dung-a short part of the book I'm working on

“Do you want some healthy chocolates?”

Of course the answer was yes! I was standing next to our counter and a giant was leaning over me. Norman was at least 6’6”, his silver hair and beard framing his face. He was big. An ex-Olympic archery coach. We had met him through Sergei the young Russian who kept coming in to our shop with bizarre proposals to help make our shop even weirder than it already was. We realized that we had been seeing his mini-van around town too. It's hard to miss a Dodge Caravan with a massive drum tied to the roof. Norman was also a drum maker.

So healthy it's all you need to eat!

 I had first seen Norm as he was navigating our hall while it was packed with Twilighters and I was busy taking pictures. He had watched the goings on and disappeared like a phantom until it had quieted down. He came back with Sergei and we learned that he was in town for awhile and was interested in getting into the Twilight business. His angle was the wolves.

 He thought the market for their fans was still untapped. It was true, they were just as popular as the vampires in Twilight, but the town was not doing much to make those fans happy. As for the Quileutte tribe, they had not really gotten into the merchandise thing, so it was a great opportunity to make some cash. I was interested in hearing what he had to say.

Norman was right about the fact that the wolf market was being largely ignored, but his ideas about capturing it left something to be desired. He was an artist, musician,  archery instructor, and vendor of healthy chocolates but based on the conversation we had, I think his marketing skills were somewhat limited. Lucky for me he had no idea and was eager to share his ideas! 

“If you climb way up to the top of the Doug firs, the needles are soft and green and they are at their most fragrant stage.”

Sergei was smiling from the chair while Norman explained his idea. It was clear they had been talking about it before they came by.

“So you climb up and you pick the needles, and you make a perfume out of it!”

Normans eyes were gleaming as he spoke in a soft baritone voice which conveyed his seriousness.

“We’ll make a fragrance line out of it, and we will call it ‘Wolf Dung!’ that way all the fans of the werewolves will want it!”

Not feeling up to explaining the marketing disaster which awaited the future makers of “Wolf Dung” perfume, I hinted that it may have to get FDA approved. Norman assured me that since it was natural you would not have to do that. I managed to move the subject along before I was offered the opportunity to get involved with the Wolf Dung project. Though it tempted me greatly to become involved in the coolest failed business ever, I was somehow able to avoid inking a deal with Stormin' Norman. It may be one of the great regrets of my life.

I'm all slathered up in Wolf Dung and just ate 53 healthy chocolates. Not that you can tell from the picture.

 Norman hung around Forks for a couple weeks, being awesome, huge and mysterious. It was easy to spot him driving around because the drums were probably 4 feet in diameter. Most of our time together was spent talking, he liked to drop by the shop when we weren't busy. Norman liked to tell us about the sound systems he had installed in various stadiums and he always came well stocked with healthy chocolates. I wish I had asked him more about the archery coaching but I am simply glad we were able to meet.

It was heartening to hear that big Norman liked the way I was doing my business. He said it was good that I made sure that the kids were comfortable, and also looked over at the parents to make sure they were happy. Most people don't take the time to consider the potential problems that could happen when your entire business is posing with strangers who view you as a sex symbol and celebrity, that someone was paying attention was great, plus WOLF DUNG!

Normans van was parked out back with the drum on top a couple weeks later. We all had a smoke and I told him about an available store front. Sergei and Norm were being pretty mysterious about why they were looking, but it was a fun game to play trying to pick Normans brain. He had an enormous head so I assume he had a brain to match, so long as he was not naming fragrance lines. We shook hands, his giant paw engulfing mine. It was the last I saw of him until I saw him driving south on US 101, he waved goodbye, and as he disappeared I realized the mini van was missing a significant accessory.

“I wonder what Norman did with those drums?” I asked Lando.

We found out the next day when I went to Lappelle's gift shop. The giant drums were outside. Silent, as if mourning the loss of Wolf Dung Inc, the drums waited until they would resound triumphant at the product launch. Goodbye Norman, show me that Wolf Dung money!