The Buzzsaw Report is a production of Hoboe Enterprises. It is not liable for any actions taken by readers due to content that they read. All content can be blamed entirely on Ian "Buzzsaw" Barnes, though he doesn't really care. Have a lovely read!
Down in Australia parks are called "reserves" unless I am wrong and only some parks are called reserves. Either way, we have a reserve down the street from our house. Not too many people use the reserve. Possibly because of all the rules.
They are SERIOUS about the rules!!!
The one exception is the old man who does tai chi. With a bo-staff. He is there most afternoons, slowly being healthy as hell. His glacial motions sooth in much the same way that a Kenny G saxaphone solo does. So when he farted one day I was completely surprised. I was not surprised however when The Child and I were walking past, and he had gathered a group of 5 trainees. Tai Bo is allowed on the reserve.
Other things which have occured on the reserve are copiuous animal deaths. I know because our dog Shithead seems to find all the carcasses, then roll in them.Though she has absolutely zero positive qualities, this particular negative quality is one of her most loathed. She already smells terrible no matter how many times she is washed, without rolling around on a dead blue tongue.
I know, you would think it's rotting flesh would smell nice!
Lastly the reserve is where The Child takes her toys to play. This is fine as long as she doesn't bring "Nudie" too often. This particular baby doll is in fact a nudist. He hates clothes and since his given name is Nudie, he likes to flout that fact. This is fine as we are fairly laid back at our house, but it can be kind of shocking to other families when The Child is running around yelling to Nudie and talking about him. So it is with some concern that I allow him to go to the Reserve. There are rules you know!
As you may know, I am at the moment sort of in a tight financial situation because I need to pay for my visa fees (not to mention anything else), but I can't work without a visa. Legally that is. So, undaunted by the "authorities" I decided to get creative. It turns out there are more than a few ways to get paid in this town. Namely, through Craigslist "Strictly Platonic" postings. Though they do not all apply, I found that every single one of them was a special snowflake that I needed to share. So here they are:
Need a few models - m4mw - 25 (Gawler)
looking for 2 men and 3 women between the ages of 18-35 for a full life cast not including the head for custom manikins for a buyer in America. im offering $300 for the cast of each person, please send a standing photo of your self and a contact e-mail thank you for reading.
Seeking film girl - m4w (Adelaide)
Hi and thanks for reading. I know most people on this site are just looking to get laid but I am not. I have a partner but I live on my own and often find that I have plenty of free time to myself. Unfortunately most of my friends are married with kids and have very little time to go out to the movies etc. If your just looking for a fun time with a person you can relax with then send an email.
Opposites Attract - m4w - 55 (On Top)
I am a Dominant and Assertive Male.
you should be a passive and compliant female.
Nothing shal exist beyond these Requirements.
Sex is NOT a requirement of this Relationship, but Absolute Obedience will be.
Tired of waiting tables after school? - young female activity partner - m4w - 63 (Glenelg)
Active older man (63) seeks a young female activity and dinner companion. I like water sports, the natural environment, and good restaurants but I feel silly going alone. Women my age either do not have the interest or ability, or mistake my intentions. I'm not in the market for a 'relationship'.
I'm intellectually curious and need the give-and-take of intelligent conversation. Ideally, you have something to teach. You may know the history of Australia or your native country, the stars of the southern hemisphere, interesting art galleries in the area, have the ability to explain the point of cricket, be an Aussie rules football fan, or have a deep knowledge of local wineries.
You should be bright, cheerful, and enthusiastic. Great beauty is not a requirement; you should be fit enough for active sports (think swimming with dolphins or white water rafting). Scuba certification a plus. You should also also be reliable.
Not looking for sugar baby, just someone in need of a part-time job that doesn't involve waiting tables or making coffee. I pay all costs, including your transportation, and your time at rates equivalent to student wages.
This is about companionship, not sex, so professional sex workers are asked not to respond, as are outraged older women or other 'moralists'. I've been happily doing this for years and have already read all the psycho-babble; you're not going to come up with anything new. Let's not waste each other's time.
If waiting tables, cleaning houses, or working as a barista has gotten old, this may be an opportunity for both of us. If you agree, drop me a line and I'll send more information about myself and learn a bit about you. If it seems appropriate to both of us after that, we'll meet somewhere for coffee or lunch and see how it goes.
Wanking - m4m - 24 (Marion Area)
Looking for some one around my age to sit back watch porn and have a wank together.
Does not even have to be porn, sitting back chilling stroking it.
I am 24/m Average build, 6.5 uncut cock. Clean!
Paid Tickling Video - m4m - 23 (Golden Grove)
If you're interested in doing a 30 minute tickling video for $150 in cash, then read on. You must be under 30, be in good shape, and be ticklish. You must be able to host at your place for privacy. I need a face photo of each person interested so I can decide, and if you're serious about doing it, it's ideal if we trade mobile phone numbers.
Respond if you fit the criteria and you're interested, and I'll tell you more. :)
Looking for any transvestite or crossdressers who would like some photos taken for free and you get the photos. Wear whatever you like. No more taking amateur photos of yourself in the mirror! Young or old or in between all welcome.
I'm happy to meet at a cafe beforehand to discuss and I'm happy to travel north or south of the city as needed.
I'm easy going and have been taking photos for over 15 years, both colour and black and white.
Thanks for reading. Bye.
Seeking pervy friends - m4mm - 28 (Glenelg)
Hi,
I've recently decided I need some pervy friends. Ones who are open minded. People to get together, have a few drinks, talk about the kind of naughty things we know we shouldn't.
I've said men because its more likely to get a responce but happy to hear from women as well. I think it will be best if we have a number of diffrent intrests but enough general intrest in the taboo that we get on well.
Send me a email if you are intrested or have any ideas. Or a group already like this.
Massage - m4mw - 24 (South Plympton)
Im looking for a massage, im 6,6 Clean 98kg, Back is saw, need a good massage i can not pay just need a massage. Will come to you only
1) Need a few models - m4mw - 25 (Gawler)
looking for 2 men and 3 women between the ages of 18-35 for a full life cast not including the head for custom manikins for a buyer in America. im offering $300 for the cast of each person, please send a standing photo of your self and a contact e-mail thank you for reading.
The implications of responding:
I don't know if this post raises red flags for any of my dear, sweet, sexually attractive (in a strictly platonic sense)readers. For me, the correct spelling of mannequins is a big deal. How can I respect someone who spells it wrong? And how can I do business with someone I don't respect? Needless to say I am not fool enough to believe that anyone would have mannequins made in the US when China is so darn close! Also, being trapped in a full body mold in Gawler sounds like a great preface to ending up disembodied in a barrel. PASS!
2) Seeking film girl - m4w (Adelaide)
Hi and thanks for reading. I know most people on this site are just looking to get laid but I am not. I have a partner but I live on my own and often find that I have plenty of free time to myself. Unfortunately most of my friends are married with kids and have very little time to go out to the movies etc. If your just looking for a fun time with a person you can relax with then send an email.
The implications of responding:
Clearly this is written to females. Fine, have you seen me in drag? OK, the closest I have been is when I dressed up as Edward Colon in front of Mann's Chinese theatre, but that is fine by the world"s standards!The hitch for me is that this is a non paying gig. PASS!
3) Opposites Attract - m4w - 55 (On Top)
I am a Dominant and Assertive Male.
you should be a passive and compliant female.
Nothing shal exist beyond these Requirements.
Sex is NOT a requirement of this Relationship, but Absolute Obedience will be.
Is getting pee'd on for money something I should include in my resume or keep in the cover letter?
The implications of responding:
Actually there doesn't seem to be anything that weird here. Don't even know why I included it! LOL!
4) Tired of waiting tables after school? - young female activity partner - m4w - 63 (Glenelg)
Active older man (63) seeks a young female activity and dinner companion. I like water sports, the natural environment, and good restaurants but I feel silly going alone. Women my age either do not have the interest or ability, or mistake my intentions. I'm not in the market for a 'relationship'.
I'm intellectually curious and need the give-and-take of intelligent conversation. Ideally, you have something to teach. You may know the history of Australia or your native country, the stars of the southern hemisphere, interesting art galleries in the area, have the ability to explain the point of cricket, be an Aussie rules football fan, or have a deep knowledge of local wineries.
You should be bright, cheerful, and enthusiastic. Great beauty is not a requirement; you should be fit enough for active sports (think swimming with dolphins or white water rafting). Scuba certification a plus. You should also also be reliable.
Not looking for sugar baby, just someone in need of a part-time job that doesn't involve waiting tables or making coffee. I pay all costs, including your transportation, and your time at rates equivalent to student wages.
This is about companionship, not sex, so professional sex workers are asked not to respond, as are outraged older women or other 'moralists'. I've been happily doing this for years and have already read all the psycho-babble; you're not going to come up with anything new. Let's not waste each other's time.
If waiting tables, cleaning houses, or working as a barista has gotten old, this may be an opportunity for both of us. If you agree, drop me a line and I'll send more information about myself and learn a bit about you. If it seems appropriate to both of us after that, we'll meet somewhere for coffee or lunch and see how it goes.
The implications of responding:
Any time you include the caveat that "professional sex workers are asked not to respond" you are fishing for a response from professional sex workers. Damn. I am only an amateur, albeit an eager one! Pass!
5) Wanking - m4m - 24 (Marion Area)
Looking for some one around my age to sit back watch porn and have a wank together.
Does not even have to be porn, sitting back chilling stroking it.
I am 24/m Average build, 6.5 uncut cock. Clean!
The implications of responding:
Probably a lot of fun! Sadly, no pay mentioned, so I will have to pass. ;););)
6) Paid Tickling Video - m4m - 23 (Golden Grove)
If you're interested in doing a 30 minute tickling video for $150 in cash, then read on. You must be under 30, be in good shape, and be ticklish. You must be able to host at your place for privacy. I need a face photo of each person interested so I can decide, and if you're serious about doing it, it's ideal if we trade mobile phone numbers.
Respond if you fit the criteria and you're interested, and I'll tell you more. :)
The implications of responding:
Ticklish? Check! Fit? Check! Under 30? I can fake it, check! So far this sounds great! $150 bucks for half an hour of torture! No big deal! I would have to say I am "serious about doing this!"
Looking for any transvestite or crossdressers who would like some photos taken for free and you get the photos. Wear whatever you like. No more taking amateur photos of yourself in the mirror! Young or old or in between all welcome.
I'm happy to meet at a cafe beforehand to discuss and I'm happy to travel north or south of the city as needed.
I'm easy going and have been taking photos for over 15 years, both colour and black and white.
Thanks for reading. Bye.
The implications of responding:
He sounds totally legit and normal. Plus with all that experience?Sorry, don't know how this got in here!
8) Seeking pervy friends - m4mm - 28 (Glenelg)
Hi,
I've recently decided I need some pervy friends. Ones who are open minded. People to get together, have a few drinks, talk about the kind of naughty things we know we shouldn't.
I've said men because its more likely to get a responce but happy to hear from women as well. I think it will be best if we have a number of diffrent intrests but enough general intrest in the taboo that we get on well.
Send me a email if you are intrested or have any ideas. Or a group already like this.
The implications of responding:
Probably nothing more than getting into a stimulating discussion with some interesting people. Sounds like a pretty normal request really. I apologize profusely for even including this. I don't know what I was thinking. This is the stupidest idea for blog content ever!
Massage - m4mw - 24 (South Plympton)
Im looking for a massage, im 6,6 Clean 98kg, Back is saw, need a good massage i can not pay just need a massage. Will come to you only
The implications of responding:
Having a random giant come to your house for a 'ssage! Again, I apologize for wasting your time. There is nothing out of the ordinary here. Good day.
Note: The author is now completely depressed and suffering a huge blow to his (over)confidence.
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