What I do to entertain myself at my shitty job!

In my current position as a slave in a sheet metal shop, I have ample opportunity to spend hours doing repetitive work. Often in the course of my day co-workers will ask me if I am bored yet. Nope! After spending 6 months on a hellish bok choi farm in South Australia (17 hour days, 7 days a week for months, all while being screamed at for minor infractions) I can take a trip in my mind damn near anywhere. So while I am bending several thousand pipe clamps, or spot welding 500 electrical boxes, I just get comfortable and let my mind rip. Often it goes directly to butts and boobs, do not pass go. This of course is great, yet there are certain times where it is not OK to walk around with a raging hard on, and work is one of those, so there are other things I do. Lately I have been imagining the most boring guy in the shop transforming into a wild ass pimp in his off time. During breaks I have been sharing our exploits with the rest of the workers.

First off, the man is named Tolly. Tolly. Have you ever heard of this name? I keep wanting to ask him what it is short for (Toliver? Toll? Tollian?). Secondly, though he has a short pony tale,  the guy is far from wild. In fact he sort of seems like he is dosed up on sedatives all damn day. I have honestly never seen him do anything fast at all. Perhaps that is why I like to imagine him turning into a complete maniac at night.

He looks slightly more entertaining than this guy, but trust me, he is not.

One thing I like to do is take exploits of say John Bonham and accredit Tolly with executing them. So far I have told my coworkers that Tolly and I did tons of coke and at the hotel party Tolly took a shit in one of the strippers shoes. Next chance I get I will let them know that he drove a Cadillac into the hotel pool. Another story is one I heard from a friend of a person who knew a person who worked on a movie with Sylvester Stalone. Allegedly, this person was walking past Stalone's trailer and heard him say: "Cuddle the balls. Cuddle the balls!"

 Of course I have my own inventions too. In my mind Tolly only wears pin striped suits and uses a cane. He is also quite fond of referring to his genitalia as "giblets"! I am wholly unsure where I came up with that term, but I like it for Tolly. So far the image I have created of him has been a misogynist yet as I write this I think I may turn him into a better person. perhaps beating a dudes ass who was being rude to his own woman. Of course the story would end with me and Tolly doing an 8 ball of coke off of her and several other womens asses, but that is why we are so bad ass me and Tolly. In fact, you may no know, but last Friday we decided to go to Atlantic City. Tolly and I. Of course our purposes were lecherous.

As you may know, I am a celebrity look-alike. What you may not know, is that Tolly is an expert card counter. So without any actual credentials, we managed to bluff our way in to the high stakes poker game! It was insane! I acted as the rube, while Tolly cleaned house. At the end of the night Tolly and I left with a $85,000 a Russian model, and the wife of one of the guys at the table. It was a hell of a night. We also hung out Saturday, during which time we stole a tiger from the Brooklyn Zoo which we brought back to Tolly's. Anyway, that is what I do during the work day. I find myself laughing a lot. 

Ladies, you have options...

How many emails have I received about the marital/boyfriend problems that people (women I do not know) on my Facebook friends list are experiencing? The answer? You actually do not want to know. It has happened a lot, but thankfully not for awhile. I assume that this is the calm before the storm, so in order to thwart the inevitable, and give these women some men to pal around with, I went on www.craigslist.org/houston and picked out a few choice entries.  They are as follows:

1) Free Room Share - m4w - 28 (Hotel)

I am a business man and can provide a place to stay while I am here. Email for more details. Hotel is at Sage and Westheimer.

Highlights: In my opinion this whole entry is a highlight. Nothing says "no strings attached" like the phrase "free room to share." It is not like he is into anything crazy, plus he probably gets HBO. On top of that the two of you (though he does not specify a number) could discuss business as you doze off. If you are lucky he will let you order up room service. Not a bad deal, if you are homeless you have a place. If you already have a place, think of it as a "staycation" either way you can't possibly lose here!

2) An adventure - m4w (houston)

Hey!

I am looking for a femaile friend to share an adventure with. Look, I put this in platonic because I'm not after sex and that kinda gets in the way of fun sometimes. I will meet any and all of your security needs as I know there are some real psycos and creeps out there. You should be attractive, HWP, 35 - 52, fun loving, gregarious (never met a stranger), humorous and like water and beaches, dancing and good food. This is a vacation, so you will need some time to get away. This is not a bot....I AM REAL! If you respond, put pina colada's in your subject line. You must send a picture. Mutual attraction is a must. I promise, you will not be disappointed with my looks. I am divorced and not dating at this time.

Highlights: One of the key highlights here is that the author assures the reader that he is "not a bot...I AM REAL!" Of course if you read the...as hesitation, you might wonder why...he had to...figure out he WAS REAL! Either way it is nice to know that though he is in no way interested in sex (we all agree that it gets in the way of the fun right?) he IS interested in what his "femaile friend" looks like. Lastly, it is clearly a benefit that he will "meet any and all of your security needs." Suffice to say that though he does not reveal what his "vacation" will consist of (I read this several times without realizing he would be taking you somewhere), it is sure to be "an adventure." One from which you may "decide" never to return from.

3) 60, gray, Beer belly, married - m4w - 60 (Katy)

Hi
My name is Ed and let me tell you about me. As I said I am white, 60, gray hair somewhat thining, with a bet of a beer belly. I am Texas Through and through.
Talk Texan, walk texan, think texan. A bit of a red neck. I dive a Chevy Pick up and I have a few cows. I am a Cowboy fan, Texan are OK too.
Now that most of you have left, let me tell you what I like to do. I am retired now so I have all day to run and play. The only problem is I can play like I use to
sad to say. So I would like to find a lady that like to set around a talk and be a friends. The only thing I have now is me and I do give great wallet.
you must be over 18 and under 65 and you can not have a kick stand, in other words you must set to pee. Sound like a plan, let me know.
Ed

Highlights: Clarity. Sort of. At the end he hints that you can not have a "kick stand" which I presumed was a cane. But in the next sentence he says it means "you must set to pee." Of course, he may mean, you must be set on pee! And the pee setting is one which I use on any appliance I own. In fact my laptop is set to pee every 10 minutes. Thank goodness it is a hot day. Typically in the winter it is set to pee only every hour, the cold weather really changes things. Other highlights are that he gives "great wallet" a skill which is usefull the whole world round. He also "dives" a Chevy truck and "owns a few cows." All around, he sounds like a hell of a tallented man. Next?

4) WHO WANTS TO PLAY? - m4w - 22 (hwy6 and 290)

I WANT TO GET DOWN GET DOWN JUNGLE BOOGIE WITH SOME CATS..MY MOTORCYCLE....AND I GUESS A CUTE GIRL!!! I MEAN CMON LOOK AT ME!! DO I LOOK LIKE IM NOT INTO FUN?!?!?!!?!?!?
EMAIL ME I BROKE MY PHONE LETTING A CAT CHEW ON IT. MEOW

This is the face of a man who is clearly unafraid of cats!

Highlights: Let's face it, this entry is short and to the point. He wants to party on a motorcycle with cats and perhaps a girl. If you need anything more than that, the problem lies within. Your. Cold. Evil. Soul.

5) **I SEEK ASIAN/LATINA LADY FOR PROSPEROUS BUSINESSMAN COMPANIONSHIPS** - m4w - 41 (HOUSTON)

I am a Caucasian male, 41 and 5' 10" and 175 lbs. I am a professional white collar executive company President. I own and operate a very profitable import commodities company. Most of my product comes from either Asia or Latin America. I am clean and healthy, considerate, both very financially and quite emotionally stable. I am well educated, well dressed, and well mannered. I am seeking a mature Asian or Latina woman from 20-50 years old who is in the same situation as I. If you are looking for attention and appreciation and the finer things in life then I can provide that for you. I am a respectful traditional gentleman who is sincerely seeking a mutually interested woman. Please send pix and I will be most pleased to reciprocate. You any feel free to ask any questions or concerns you may have. Be well and take good care.

 Highlights: This is totally a legit opportunity and not a scam.

Well ladies, there you have it. Who says that Ol' Buzzsaw is not taking care of you?

PS-If any Asian or Latina females need to get ahold of me, please use the same email address as the cat guy. LOL