Caution, Australian Craigslist is For Adults Only! Part 1

In order to appeal more to my international fanbase (I have four fans, two overseas) I decided to examine the Strictly Platonic posts from Sydney Australia. WARNING: SOME OF THIS CONTENT IS A BIT MORE SEXUAL IN NATURE THAN I WOULD NORMALLY USE, SO KIDS IF YOU ARE READING THIS, PLEASE, PLEASE STOP! And if you do read it, just be aware that sometimes daddy and mommy need to do things that are hard to understand. That said, I was quite impresses with some of the things I found. In effort to be accurate and to show what is "really going on" down under I have included more examples than I usually do. This piece will be a bit long. What I am going to try today is posting an ad, then I will try to show the readers "what it really means." Please, brace yourself, this will certainly get weird!

Weird? Their most famous building looks like a stack of clams, OF COURSE Australians are weird!

1) straight guy looking for wank bud - m4m – 27

hey
straight here looking for wank buddies under 35. Str8 or bi. No gay, coz wouldnt be into the same porn.
Not after a random and we gota be cool and get along
cheers

What it REALLY means: Though he is very clear (sort of) about his desire to find a "straight" wank bud, he does say that "bi" is OK. In my humble opinion, he probably is looking for a bit more than simply watching nudie movies with a pal and enjoying the act of self pleasure, with another straight man?!!!????!!! It also means I am going to wash my eyes after reading this!

2)Woman sought for Erotic Encounter - m4w

I'm a married guy who is seeking a woman to give me a complete body shave with a view to repeating the shave every four weeks or so and also engage in adventurous erotica.. I am not overly hairy - I want the shave for the sensuality, mainly. You must host. Of course there will be a gratuity and a happy ending is expected and as the relationship progresses over time, perhaps more with a commensurate adjustment in the gratuity. It must be on weekdays, you should provide the necessary toys etc. I am into trying all types of sex as I've missed out most of my life. Married, but not active sexually at home

What it REALLY means: I think what this means is that he is trying to find a woman with a view to shaving him every four weeks. At your own house. Using your own razors/toys. It seems clear that he is pretty hairy, since he took the time to state that he was "not overly hairy." As he also states that he will (obviously) give a gratuity (for sex), so it will probably be a very small amount of money. Of course, after you shave him (at your house), and pleasure him (with "adventurous erotica"), REPEATEDLY, EVERY FOUR WEEKS!!!! The gratuity will probably be increased by a dollar or two. Also, it MUST happen on weekdays. At your house. Using your razor/toys.

3) I want a date for tomorrow night 8pm - m4w - 24 (CBD)

Sorry for the late notice BUT,

I want a date for 8pm tomorrow night, exclusive event.

You must be 20-26yo female, intelligent, bubbly and hwp.

It will be a good night.

More details given. FB/phone number swapping essential.

What it REALLY means: Sorry I forgot to announce that I need someone to rape tomorrow night!

4) Boat trip from Pittwater to Gold Coast - m4w - 45 (Pittwater)

Looking for companion (1 or 2) to join me on a boat trip from Pittwater to Gold Coast during August or September on a 48ft luxury cruiser. Boat is in excellent condition and I am an experienced skipper. Preferred age range is 35 to 45 and you must have an agreeable personality and enjoy helping out with odd jobs on board. Voyage should last around 10 to 14 days but may as short as 5 days. I am a good listener (and talker) and genuinely enjoy female company. All food and drink provided. There is no payment required but the offer of some personal services would be highly appreciated and reciprocated.

What it REALLY means: I have a boat of sorts. I think I know how to sail it, but I KNOW I like sex. Preferably with two women at the same time! I also like my woman to work a bit. There is nothing sexier than a woman who is a bit sweaty, and it also turns me on when I see a woman swabbing the decks (real not metaphorical). I will allow you to talk, if you need to. Of course, I will feed you a bit, your duties will require that you be well fed (you will be "working" hard!).

It's a BOAT Mutha F--ka!

5) Can you use a new friend? - m4w - 45 (California)

Hello,
This is a bit strange I suppose, I have always liked your country and would really enjoy making some friends there. I am a avarage hard working, American male. Not too much of an exciting life I suppose. I get up, go to work and then back home same as most everyone I guess. I do enjoy riding my Harley Davidson motorcycles and scuba diving in Monterey bay. I draw tattoos for people for fun, I am also very much into photography. I would love to make some friends to chat with and learn more about your life styles and your country, I'll teach you about ours. I look at it this way, a person can never have to many friends in this world, so come on...what are you waiting for lets be friends..:o)

What it REALLY means: Hi! I have absolutely no friends in my own country (I killed them you see!)! I was wondering if I would find someone in Australia who I could "seduce" online through lies and deception! At first I will only ask for money, but soon I will find a way to come to Australia and I will kill you! LOL

Here are some of my best tattoo designs! Skullkrusher here is a great friend of mine. We have been pals for 7 years!

6) straight wanking buddies - m4m - 26

answered a few posts on here and I havnt been able to find what im after
so giving it a try myself
just looking for str8, maybe bi wanking buds who are after only wanking
just chill have a good time and a wank if we feel cool about it.
cheers

What it REALLY means: Hey, I am simply trying to find a NORMAL guy to watch porn and masturbate with! No big deal! LOL!

And with that, I give up! It will have to be a two part piece! The fact is, I have a boat to catch!

 Love, Buzzsaw