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Thursday, May 30, 2013

Craigslist Quickie: ARE YOU CHRISTIAN AND SEXY????

As I am extremely busy, what with wanting to go swimming and having recently written an e-mail, what little I give you today will have to suffice. But I think the gem I found on Craigslist Harrisburg's Strictly Platonic should tickle your funny bone/and or, I want a creepy new boyfriend from Florida bone...Without further ado:

Are you christian and sexy? - m4w (South Florida)


Hello to all the beautiful ladies in Pennsylvania.

+=+= PLEASE READ BEFORE REPLYING =+=+

I will be moving to PA from FL some time in July or August. I know it will be lonely when I get there, so it would be nice

to find a few nice christian ladies for friendship. Since friends make the best lovers, I want to focus on our friendship first.

I love hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc., and I BELIEVE IN ONE RELATIONSHIP AT A TIME.

I'm a christian man with great family values looking for a christian woman with great family values as well.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHERE YOU'RE FROM OR YOUR ETHNIC BACKGROUND. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR AGE EITHER AS LONG AS YOU'RE 21 OR MORE.

PLEASE DON'T WRITE ME ASKING TO SEND PICTURES. I WOULD PREFER THIS TO BE A SURPRISE FOR BOTH OF US IF WE DECIDE TO MEET.

BESIDES, THERE ARE TOO MANY SCAMS GOING ON HERE WHERE PEOPLE ARE COLLECTING NAMES, AGE, PICTURES, ETC.

IF YOU'RE NOT OKAY WITH THIS, THEN YOU DON'T NEED TO WRITE.

I look forward to being with one of you sexy ladies. Email me so we can get our friendship started.

Take care of yourself, and may God bless you.

+=+= THANKS FOR READING MY AD =+=+ 





For fun, why don't we play the game where you post comments about this for me to read. I'm going swimming!!!!!!


Sunday, May 12, 2013

How to steal from dead guys and impress women!

Being a man who is prone to obsessions, there are certain things I have spent many years thinking about. Burritos, and Jimmy Buffett are two of those things.


A life without passion is meaningless!

Really, the whole Centaur culture is fascinating!


Thus it should really come as no surprise that I have been thinking about stealing from dead people to impress women for 15 years at least. Probably the impetus of this thought was when I noticed that when a couple are in a relationship, it seems like one or the other was always "getting in trouble" for some stupid ass bullshit nobody would care about if they were single. Such as noticing a haircut, or remembering a 6 month dating "anniversary" (which are actually not possible you fucking dolts!)!!!!

Somehow I really started thinking about how women like flowers and most men think they are generally useless. I thought about it a lot. Finally I came to the conclusion that if flowers are what it takes to make a woman happy, then hell, it's easy so do it! But then reality kicked in. Fuck. Flowers are expensive, it would be much better to get them for free, but where? Of course being a bad boy, I figured you could go around at night and clip them from other peoples yards and parks. It would be free and they would be fresh. But on the other hand, it was a finite supply. You can't just keep stealing flowers out of parks willy nilly or you risk turning into a 1960's era Batman villain (The De-Florist?)!!! Plus people plant flowers in their yard to spruce the place up! It looks nice! You don't want to steal from the park too much because it ruins it for everybody. Anyway, I needed another solution I needed to take free flowers from a source that wouldn't miss them at all. Dead guys.

What do flowers have to do with dead guys you ask? Everything. Dead guys are the best free source of flowers you could get, it's a steady supply, and honestly you are taking better care of their legacy if you go to the source to get them. That's right, I am talking about taking flowers from dead guys grave sites and giving them to your girlfriend or wife. And I am telling you, this scheme is win-win!

To begin with let me go with what I know. Most dudes are not super into getting flowers for gifts. In fact never in my life have a met a man who was excited about flowers he got, or sad because he never got flowers. It just is not a thing. I can't speak for the male gays, they probably like flowers, but that probably is offset by the minority group of women who don't get excited about flowers. Trust me on this! Guys don't like flowers when they are alive, and they sure as fuck don't care about them when they are dead!

So let's bring it together. If you need flowers in a pinch, the best solution is to swing by a cemetery! Take a stroll through the headstones as if you are looking for a certain grave site. Keep your head down and walk slow so you look sad. What you are really looking for is fresh flowers. So when you see what looks like a fresh bunch, check and see if was a man or a woman. If it was a man, see if he went by his full name (Stephen, Patrick, or Jonathan etc.), see if he were married and had kids. If he seems heterosexual enough, look around to see if the family is in the immediate vicinity. If not, kneel as if you are praying for the dead guy. Then when nobody is looking pick those suckers up! Dead guy won't care and most likely the family won't be back the next day. So get on home to the woman and spend the money you saved on wine! It's obviously the best way to do things. Probably I would not tell the girlfriend or wife either because women seem to find things like this offensive on several levels. Personally I find wasting money offensive, so I can rationalize it that way. The End!

Notes: If you try this, please let me know how it works out. So far this is only a damn good theory, but I want my readers to know that I am only writing this stuff for them! Hope you found this helpful! Love Buzz!