Jackass alert!!! Washington DC area!!!!!!

Dear readers, I understand that this is written in bold. I have not figured out how to make this stop. Yes, I know i could take the time to do so, but I feel that I have a much more important task at hand. It has come to my attention that a pretentious jackass is loose in the Washington DC area, and my readers must be warned. Look out ladies, he is in a bar right now, and he is highly confident. You will find him eating salted edamame (which he can identify, but not spell correctly). Hint: he is not sitting with 4 other guys in a "circle formation" he is actually dancing with your friend and it is making you jealous. It is quite possible that he is "peacocking" and being rude to you. He might look like this: 

Please, if you see this man try to resist the urge to ravish him! Hint: It will not be possible!

THE FOLLOWING POST WAS DISCOVERED TODAY!!!!!!! LADIES, CONSIDER YOURSELVES SEDUCED!!!!!!!!!

Recent law-grad in search of a good...no, great wing-man - m4m - 26 (Potomac)

Date: 2011-04-29, 8:45AM EDT

Hello,

First of all let me make this very clear, I am not gay, bi, nor looking for a sexual experience of any sorts. This is a totally platonic and friendly posting.

I am interested in meeting someone like myself. A professional graduate who enjoys going out to clubs and events, to meet women. I believe I am fairly successful at picking up women, but in need of a wing-man; also an acting wing-man for you. I am not one of those guys you will find at a club or bar that hangs out with five or six other guys in a circle formation. I am pretty confident and do not mind going alone. However, I am new to the area and have been running into a slight bump.

This past Saturday night, I was at Josephine, and I met a group of four girls. I had a great time with them and we pretty much enjoyed each others company for most of the evening, but I could not "close the deal". I was speaking to one of the girls and the other three were just so clingy, making the girl I was dancing with feel as if she would be abandoning her friends for a guy if she left with me.

I am looking for someone who is at least 5'11, height weight proportionate, slightly pretentious, dresses a bit more formal than everyone around him (no baggy jeans please) and enjoys House music and salted Edimami (If you don't know what this is, it should probably be a sign). Race and age are not an issue for me. However, I am not looking to teach anyone anything. Please already be well versed in the art. I am mostly attracted to foreign women, and that's who I approach predominantly. You don't have to stick to this, and are welcome to speak to anyone, and I will back you up.

For me I can honestly say it is not about sex. It's just about the challenge and excitement. There just aren't many things left in life that offer a challenge anymore. I like to go out once a week, no more really, as a lot of my time is devoted to my career. From clubs, bars to boat parties, my best friend and I used to have our "routine" down to a science. However, he recently got engaged and his fiance is intelligent enough to not let him go out with me, at least on late weekend nights. Not to mention his personality has changed as well. He can not be blamed as women have a way of doing this.

Well if interested, please drop a line. Thanks.

Postscript: I want to fully assure all males who answer this posting that this man is NOT GAY! Thank you for your time. Buzzsaw. PS-How do you like my new ostrich feather hat?

Note: Ladies, rest assured that in his heyday, this man and his best friend got ALL the girls at ALL the boat parties! ALL!

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5 Surprising Reasons That It Actually Sucks To Look Like Robert Pattinson’s Twin

Below are five of the bad things which you might not think about if you are laying around dreaming about being a Robert Pattinson look-alike. Sure there is a lot of glory, and a lot of guys who own chain saw stores and want to make a rubber mask with your face on it. But there are also the moments where a frothing hillbilly steals your novelty Forks Spartans foam hand and shoves his genitals in it to prove that you are gay...if you find this interesting, trust me, this is the very much abridged version of my life in the past two years, and the book I am writing will be much more detailed. Love Buzzsaw PS-I am not complaining, simply exposing things you might find surprising!

5) Unsolicited advice.

I have tried unsuccessfully to carefully craft an opening sentence which explains exactly why I have grown to hate hearing the phrase “Do you know what you should do?” With allegory and metaphor, mixed metaphor and simile, I even tried obscenity (admittedly I liked it and might try it again). Sadly I was left with the painful truth. People think that they have a lot more good ideas than they actually do. Over the course of the last two years I have been subjected to ideas ranging from completely humiliating to downright illegal as hell. In less than 10 cases I have heard good ideas, in less than three of these the idea has actually been achievable (if I had the money it would take just to implement some, I would be retired anyway). Instead I labor away, just waiting for the next person with the brilliant idea of me turning into a gigolo. It should happen in around 11 minutes.

It seems that the less original the idea (gigolo) the more original people think it must be. Never mind the fact that prostitution is known as “the oldest profession” people seem to think it is brilliant. I wonder how brilliant they would think their daughter was if she told them that she had found a way to make $50 and it involved nothing more than “layin’ back and pretendin’ to like it!” Or perhaps they might encourage their son to dress as Batman and panhandle on Hollywood Blvd in front of Mann’s Chinese theater? Surely the same person would also think it is a brilliant idea to evade taxes as well! Of course all of these ideas have been pitched to me, and the only one I haven’t heard multiple times is the tax evasion. Actually that was a Canadian man who was super excited about the possibilities and thought I was a genius, though he REALLY encouraged me never to pay taxes. Wonder how much universal health care he would get if all the Robert Pattinson look-alikes in Canada suddenly stopped paying taxes…

4) The most famous character Robert Pattinson plays is pretty much a transvestite

Though women and girls (and probably gay men) love Edward, most everyone else thinks he is (read: OBVIOUSLY) probably gay. The only reason someone actually might think Edward Cullen is straight is that the author tries so hard to convince you. Even Robert Pattinson said “they made me look like a transvestite as Edward” which is clear to anyone who saw any of the Twilight Saga. I am sure there are worse things to have people think you look like than a transvestite vampire who never bites anything, but I can’t think of any.

Trouble because of this can manifest itself in many ways. From the obnoxious people who ask me things like why I am “trying to be Edward” (and blatantly ignoring the fact that I just told them my website was www.mynameisnotedward.com), to the hillbilly loggers shouting “faggot” from their clearly compensational trucks. There is of course a lot of ground in between, but looking like Edward Cullen is a world away from looking like say, Indiana Jones. Given the choice between the two, I would bet that most straight men would choose to look like Dr Jones if they had the choice.

3) People assume that you make a shit-ton of money

It seems that given this logic that someone who looks like Bill Gates will also be a billionaire, which is where this little misconception breaks down. Considering the fact that even the actual real Robert Pattinson was broke as hell before accidentally making a blockbuster movie, I would hope that people could understand the difficulty in turning a strange coincidence into mountains of cash. Add to that the difficulty in using said coincidence in ways which are not completely degrading or career killing and you have a recipe for a strange career path which sometimes pays well and sometimes doesn’t.

The real problem with it is that when I am walking around in public people will often approach me to ask if they can take a picture with me. So here is the problem, if I ask for money, to me it seems low class and possibly creepy. If I say that I don’t want to take a picture I run the risk of some idiot thinking I am being a jerk and defaming me on the internet. So I have found that the best solution is to act classy and pose for pictures with people, hoping that I can connect with them online, and perhaps when I write my book they will want to buy it (of course it would most likely be to see if they made the cut. Hint: they didn’t).

The misconception that I was making a ton of money was really bad in Forks. Because in Forks if you are making money and girls like you, it means you are a faggot who wants to steal from the town. It is something which can get you beat up (or in my case nearly beat up). Luckily I am too cunning and tough for that to stop me. And luckier still I have friends who ride Harley’s and are named “Fuzzy” (actually just one, but that is enough). So in closing, I have yet to make a big payday, and like any good American, I believe that it is just over the next hill.

2) Women assume that you have a billion “girlfriends”

If you are shy, I would highly recommend looking like a celebrity. It can make meeting girls really easy. On the downside it will probably be your buddy who actually scores. I believe that this is because a lot of women will naturally assume that you are unattainable so they will go for your “easy to seduce” friend. Now, before I get responses from women claiming it is not true, I must insist that I have checked with quite a few women who indeed told me it was. So really not only does it mean that you might not end up with the girl, but that you will be squeezed and screamed at, and still go home alone. Luckily that can only go on for so long before someone accidentally gets jealous of a chance encounter with a hot Canadian (female) prison guard and true feelings come out, but I digress…

1) Most people who aren’t clowns do not make children cry, but I do (without doing anything)

Have you ever been sitting out in front of a store and suddenly hear a small child burst into tears? Of course you might have, but was it because the kid saw you and thought you were a vampire? Trust me; it is something that you don’t get used to. One of the most depressing aspects of this problem is that I would have been one of those children. I have always been easily scared, so I feel even worse about scaring the hell out of babies. I have no desire to cause people psychological problems, and it is honestly a tough load to shoulder. I already envision a life of psychotherapy and men in white suites, but the extra burden of being a baby scaring freak is too much. Trust me, it is a downer when a smiling baby bursts into tears and starts screaming.

Garth Brooks is probably a pervert!

It stands to reason the Garth Brooks is a sick, sick, pervert, simply because he is human. It is in our nature, which sort of makes it normal...Anyway, here are some lyrics to his song "That Summer" which may or may not be about a leathery skinned widow woman seducing the hell out the teenage boy who is her farm hand during "That Summer." Ever since then, no matter who is romping with, the indelible image of her face appears like a ghastly reminder that he once used to lose his virginity to leathery handed widows. He is also reminded of her by wheat fields. Here is the video:

Please watch the entire slide show. There is a sequence at 2:58 which will blow your mind.

For your reading pleasure I have printed the lyrics as well:

I went to work for her that summer
A teenage kid so far from home
She was a lonely widow woman
Hell-bent to make it on her own
We were a thousand miles from nowhere
Wheat fields as far as I could see
Both needing something from each other
Not knowing yet what that might be

'Til she came to me one evening
Hot cup of coffee and a smile
In a dress that I was certain
She hadn't worn in quite a while
There was a difference in her laughter
There was a softness in her eyes
And on the air there was a hunger
Even a boy could recognize

She had a need to feel the thunder
To chase the lightning from the sky
To watch a storm with all its wonder
Written in her lover's eyes
She had to ride the heat of passion
Like a comet burnin' bright
Rushin' headlong in the wind
Now where only dreams have been
Burnin' both ends of the night

That summer wind was all around me
Nothin' between us but the night
When I told her that I'd never
She softly whispered that's alright
And then I watched her hands of leather
Turn to velvet in a touch
There's never been another summer
When I have ever learned so much

We had a need to feel the thunder
To chase the lightning from the sky
To watch a storm with all its wonder
Written in each other's eyes
She had to ride the heat of passion
Like a comet burning bright
Rushin' headlong in the wind
Now where only dreams have been
Burnin' both ends of the night

I often think about that summer
The sweat the moonlight and the lace
And I have rarely held another
When I haven't seen her face
And every time I pass a wheat field
And watch it dancing with the wind
Although I know it isn't real
I just can't help but feel
Her hungry arms again

She had a need to feel the thunder
To chase the lightnin' from the sky
To watch a storm with all its wonder
Written in her lover's eyes
She had to ride the heat of passion
Like a comet burnin' bright
Rushin' headlong in the wind
Now where only dreams have been
Burnin' both ends of the night
Rushin' in long in the wind
Now where only dreams have been
Burnin' both ends of the night

For those of you who love this song, it probably means that you are either a teenage boy who wants to make it with an older woman, or you are an older woman who wants to make it with a teenage kid. This is fairly normal. I will point out that in this song it clearly uses the words "kid, boy, and hands of leather" in the text. This indicates a scary ass widow woman molesting a boy (what was in the coffee and why did she give it to him at night?). Well, thanks for participating, Buzzsaw

PS-I do not know who actually wrote this song, but I do know that despite claims that Garth Brooks is a great country songwriter, he almost NEVER worked alone. What this means is that most likely Garth would come into a meeting and say "I want to do a song about a farmhand and a widow woman" and his crack team of writers would write the song. Of course with Garth Brooks name getting top billing. Because really, are you going to argue that he is ripping you off when you are making a shit ton of royalties? Hell no! Because your other option is being broke and NOT "co writing" with Garth "Chris Gaines" Brooks.

Please not in the picture Garth's ugly ass shirt, ugly ass microphone, and guitar (which is something a frat guy would be playing).

23 year gentleman seeks virgin girls for bestfriends! C-List Maine!

As I have been extremely lazy this week, I am again sipping from the fount of knowledge which is Craigslist. Today I took a 15 minute trip to Maine, and just like the last time I was very much impressed. Of all the places I have scouted, Maine ranks with Minneapolis as a topnotch place to find friends online. If you are insane. Please enjoy the following posts. I know I did! Buzzsaw

23 year gentleman seeks virgin girls for bestfriends - m4w - 23 (Epping Nh)

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Date: 2011-04-07, 10:33AM EDT

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i am seeking virgin girls for bestfriends close friends, i just dont need any extra drama i just want you to be clean of disease and free of bad habits .... it is what it is must be 18+

One thing I loved about the post is that he is seeking disease free best friends. Although some may argue the fact it is impossible to have multiple “best” friends, it seems fine to me. IF they are virgins, and disease free. Of course, it is important to note that “bad habits” are out! In a way they are like “disease.” Bad habits are the diseases of the soul, and who would want that in best friends, especially if they were disease free in the physical sense. Lastly, I bet this guy has had all sorts of high school punks trying to be his virginal best friends. That has to be annoying. I applaud this man.

looking for copany - m4w - 32 (portland)

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Date: 2011-04-03, 8:27AM EDT

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looking for a rider tonight/today must be able to handel car rides and a smoker a plus if you are bored and wanna drive around . let me know . must live in portland, please leave a name and phone number for me to call you back at

The tone of this posting is casual. So casual that he is not concerned with spelling, or even capitalization of proper nouns. I like that. He also is fairly straight forward about the kind of company he seeks. Obviously he simply wants someone to drive around Portland and smoke in the car. It sounds like a whale of a time, I am sure he will find “copany.” This is the type of post that my readers will see and say “I wish I could handel car rides” or “I wish I could handel a smoker.” As for me, I hope they can, because if so, they have a wonderful opportunity right at the tips of their fingers. Simply give this unknown man your number and wait for the fun to start!

Need someone I could call Dad - w4mm - 37 (Maine)

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Date: 2011-04-06, 1:39PM EDT

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Hi,
Somewhat an unusual wish. I am an orphan and am wondering if there are any people out there who never had kids but now are too old to have them and would like to have that special parents/child bonding. I am a 37 years old woman, looking for a father figure, mother figure or parents figure in my life, basically like a family. I am not looking to live together (I’m married) but just a kind warm loving relationship when we “check” on one another, touch base, maybe celebrate some holidays together and provide unconditional love and support. Perhaps we could visit museums together or go fishing.

I have no idea what to think about this post. It is quite possibly the creepiest one I have ever seen. What the hell does she mean by ‘when we “check” on one another.’? Ugh.

pizza sounds good - m4w - 25 (portland)

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Date: 2011-04-01, 7:45PM EDT

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pizza and a movie sounds good

I am pretty sure this was placed by one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Probably Donatello. I am sure that some chill dudette will want to join him. He left out all unneeded details. Perfecto!

Wanted: ACTIVITIES PARTNER With Vices! - 56 (Topsham)

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Date: 2011-03-31, 10:40PM EDT

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I am a heavy smoker (tobacco only), and I enjoy Mike's Hard Lemonade on a Friday night. Few of the people I know smoke or drink, and they tend to be judgmental of those who do. I'm looking for others who also feel 'criminalized' because of their vices - those only, please, who enjoy both a cigarette and a drink - and who may also feel somewhat isolated because of those vices.

I'm 56 and uninvolved, with one cat. I'm someone who loves to laugh, and even be goofy at times given the right time and place. I'm goodhearted and trustworthy - a good person to do things with.

I'm looking only for uncomplicated, PLATONIC activity partners who are INTELLIGENT, UNINVOLVED SINGLE guys. If you don't understand why I specify uninvolved guys, our moral compasses probably point in opposing, incompatible directions. Please be around my age who is again, a smoker, a moderate, sensible drinker, and someone who lives in my area (I don't have a vehicle). Mutually enjoyed activities might include yard sales; mini-golf; Scrabble or other board games or cards; playing pool or bowling.

I can usually respond to email toward the end of the week. We could get together likely on Fridays (after some communication, and a level of trust has been established).

Given the nature of Craigslist, I do ask that a respondent take a step to help prevent spam. If you reply, PLEASE ENTER "smoker" in the subject line. Any other replies will be seen as possible spam, and deleted. I will also ignore any replies of a sexual nature. Platonic means PLATONIC.

(Picture shown was taken about five yrs. ago. I'm extremely camera shy))

Thanks for your time to read this post!

I have never heard of Topsham. I now want to visit. If only to smoke all over the place and see what kind of evil glares I get. My first impulse is to introduce this woman to the smokin’ driver. But she is not in Portland. If only…What I notice about this post is that the lady wants to get drunk and not screw. Jimmy Buffett would be pissed! I do feel sorry for her, being “criminalized” and all about her cigs and Mikes Hard Lemonade, and I would love to hear her laugh. I can just see her walking up to yard sales, cigarette dangling from her lips, everyone glaring at her, smokers laugh catching in her throat because she feels “criminalized” and to be honest, it’s a sad picture. Please, if you fit the description answer the posting. I am begging you!

Hope you had as much fun as I did, Buzzsaw

Touched With The Tenderness of Wolves! Craigslist NYC

The following postings were found on the New York City craigslist. I responded to all of them. Enjoy. Buzzsaw

·         Would you like or know someone who wants to join the army? - m4w - 25 (bx)

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·         Date: 2011-04-13, 7:30PM EDT

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·         I can hep you with your first promotion with a referral. Please put the word "enlist" on the subject so that I kow your real.

To whom it may concern, I would like someone who wants to join the army. Sadly I do not know someone. Thankfully I have managed to find your posting here on Craigslist, and I am sooooo relieved. It would be a miracle for me or someone I know to receive your hep. These days, hep is hard to come by. It is even hard to trust those you kow, let alone someone you don’t kow. I would love to receive some hep, and get to kow you. You must be truly amazing to offer hep to people you don’t kow! Yours, Buzzsaw

I want to try my hand at spanking - m4m - 46 (ues)

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·         Date: 2011-04-13, 6:52PM EDT

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·         I tried this here before, but the only people responding were not for me, so I am trying again. Looking to spank a guy, either in underwear or nude. I am a 46 year old divorced greek/italian good looking muscular bi guy. No sex, so totally straight guys cool. I am new to this so you can be, too. Your picture gets mine. Lets make this happen.

Dear Spanky, you want to try your “hand” do you? Well a little about me. I am a straight guy, so I am glad you are cool with that. I have NO INTEREST in anything besides a bit of discipline. You see I was in the army, and I LOVED the discipline I received during that time in my life. Now I am away from that, and I just want to get it back anyway that I can. I hope you like the pic, I wanted to make sure that you saw my supple buttocks clearly. I had my wife take it. And believe me, she is ALL for this. Question, would you mind if she watched? Sincerely Buzzsaw

·         Fit student for muscular 4/20 buddy - m4m - 20 (Union Square)

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·         Date: 2011-04-13, 4:43PM EDT

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·         Any fit, older guys out there wanna kick back, smoke, and maybe do some cuddling/wrestling?
clean, safe, disease free

Hey bro, sounds great! See you tonight! Buzzsaw

·         Do you want to be hypnotized ? - m4m

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·         Date: 2011-04-13, 3:28PM EDT

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·         Do you want to be hypnotized ? Forced to orgasm laugh forget information.

Dear Hypno, YES, YES &YES!!!!!!!!!!!! Buzzsaw PS-I am already forgetting information, and that drink you bought me was delicious!

·         Black or Hispanic Male & Female Friends - 22 (New York City)

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·         Date: 2011-04-13, 12:48PM EDT

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·         I am an Asian guy ( Korean ), 22 yrs old with long hair - ponytail, used to wear braids / cornrows. And still could... I am looking for Black / Hispanic friends. Doesn't matter males or females. Nothing more just friends. Tryna see if there's decent people to chill wit and just go out have fun. 420 friendly. No games and funny business.

I AM STRAIGHT SO, PLEASE DUDES DON'T HIT ME UP ACTING FUNNY...LOL

I got BBM ( Blackberry Messenger ) ( pin : 269314A0 ), Live Profile , AIM , Google Talk , Windows Live Messenger... hit me up.

PLEASE ATTACH A PIC SO I KNOW WHO I'M TALKING TO AND I WILL SEND ONE AS WELL.

NO PIC = NO REPLY

And no im not crazy, a tranny, a stalker, a creeper etc so don't be one as well. oNe...

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·          m4m m4w SAM SBF SBM SBW SHF SHW male female

Hey man, I am a white guy, thought I should share that right out of the gate, BUT, I KNOW a lot of black and Hispanic people. I bet I could introduce them to you. First though I will have to require you to put the corn rows back in. Not that it is totally required, but ALL of my black and Hispanic friends sport them. It would be a matter of solidarity. As for the gay stuff I know what you mean. I posted an add looking for a straight wrestling partner and you would not believe the crazies that came out of the woodwork! As far as acting funny goes, I do a lot of improve comedy, so I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind me doing some role playing skits, and improvising some songs? I am really good at both, usually I assume a female role, just for laughs! Alright enough about me! I attached a picture of my calves, I hope that works as a starter, my face is really hot (sexy), but not that you care, since we are both straight. Peace bro! Buzzsaw

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·         Touched with the tenderness of wolves - m4m (Gramercy)

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·         Date: 2011-04-13, 11:19AM EDT

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·         Can you imagine not being defined by stats or labels? Not being defined by your size,
weight, hight, color, age, or even whether you're straight, gay or Bi?

Perhaps, you're a 'try', try to be open and receive love from another man, because
it's what your soul is longing for, and you're courageous enough to surrender
your fears and apprehensions to love...

If you are willing to give it a try - I'll help you be at ease with yourself -
while you're being touched - with the unconditional love and the
tenderness of wolves....

Dear Wolfgang, this is one of the most beautiful and heartfelt pieces of writing I have stumbled upon in many moons. I too want to be touched with the tenderness of wolves. It is something I have always dreamed about, from a child. Sincerely, Buzzsaw PS-straight and wanting to be touched with the tenderness of wolves!

Note: This was the real picture of the tenderness of wolves. It is an amazing photograph.

Yardboy With Pool Privlaiges (No Sex, just Barter)! The Best of Kansas City

To whom it may concern. I have never been to Kansas City, and to be honest I have been warned against it by several friends who live there. In an effort to actually create some content I thought I might try taking a peek about KC via Craigslist to see what it is like. Among the usual posts for texting buddies and male on male non-sexual wrastlin' I found a few real gems. Here they are in their original form, and I have responded to each one! Welcome to the world of Kansas City, enjoy! By the way, I saved the best for last!

yardboy for pool privliages - m4m (no sex just barter)

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Date: 2011-04-10, 4:08PM CDT

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near speedway, looking for yard boy to cut and edge in exchange for pool privlages. be real no bs. no nude swiming or lay out, sorry. still intrested send info , in contact put yard

Dear sir, I was interested in your posting for a "yardboy to cut and edge." It sounds like a wonderful opportunity. I currently without "pool privlages" and am very interested in obtaining them any way I can! I have had pool privlages in the past, but as of late have been going through a dry spell (pun intended). If you don't mind me asking could you please describe your pool? I would normally not be so picky, but since I am not allowed nude layabout or swimming I would like to make sure that it is worth my time. You see, nude layabout is one of my passions, it something I have to admit being very, very good at. In fact I would like to meet you because I am sure once you have seen me that you will change your mind about the nude layabout. As for swimming I never swim nude, so that will not be a problem. Cheers! Buzzsaw

The escapist - w4m - 27 (South KCMO)

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Date: 2011-04-08, 4:12PM CDT

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To get this shit out of the way...I am real...It's supposed to be sunny and warm tomorrow and maybe rain Sunday.

Now on to the ad...

You know what I need? An escape. By that, I mean a freaking awesome guy friend that I can bullshit with about whatever, talk sports and point out nice racks with, hang out, drink, have fun and then go back home to my sorta boring life happier and relaxed.

About me: Married (so no, not looking for bowchickawowwow), 27, cute, huge flirt, honest, blunt, smart, witty, hilarious, like sports, movies, music, photography, outdoors, exploring, adventure, etc. Basically, I'm fucking awesome.

You: Between the ages of 21-45, live semi-nearby south Kansas City MO, cute, don't mind me flirting, outgoing, funny, like to have a good time and able to hold fantastic conversations.

I hope to meet my new amazing friend soon!

Dear Escapist, I tried reading your post, but despite your claim to awsomeness, I was completely bored. Have you ever wondered if you are the reason that your married life sucks? I was sort of interested when you mentioned drinks (I am a borderline alcoholic with 5 kids myself). But when you mentioned no "bowchickawowwow" you lost me. I can think of no other reason that I would want to go out with some random married woman. Sorry. I tried but I just can't. By the way, you should probably say that you are specifically looking for a gay man, because that is all who would possibly be interested while fitting your stringent criteria. Best of luck, Buzzsaw

No SEX! bs or games just friendship - m4m

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Date: 2011-04-05, 11:54AM CDT

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older looking for around 35 or so to hang out and be friends a couple times a week. I'm gay and partnered. enjoy company of str8 men that have a little badboy to them. im creative, enjoy hanging out and talking, 420 friendly, looking for just a friend, low drama and good attitute, no alcoholics or guys looking for quick hook up. thanks

Dear NO SEX, I am trying yet I cannot comprehend why in the title of your post you say "NO SEX" yet at the end say "or guys looking for quick hook-ups." If I understand the intent of the title and the rest of the post, it would also mean you are not looking for slow hook-ups, or any other kind of hook-ups for that matter. Let me know if you want to hook-up, BTW I am Str8. Buzzsaw

Skeletons - m4w - 36 (Joco (online only))

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Date: 2011-04-04, 12:04PM CDT

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We all have them. Is there something in your closet nobody knows? Anonymous listener here if you've been itching to get it out.

Dear Skeletons, this is certainly going to get you sex. BTW, I have a shin bone and a skull in my closet, I would like to take them out of the closet. Any ideas as to how? Buzzsaw

·         Location: Joco

·         who wants to go turkey hunting & or mushroom - m4w - 40 (n w mo.)

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·         Date: 2011-04-03, 9:52AM CDT

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·         i can supply everything even the place to hunt, send pic & tell me why you want to be a turkey hunter

Dear Turkey/Mushroom, this sounds like a lovely time, I am sure you will have no problem finding a hunting partner. Buzzsaw

·         Hip Grandma looking for friends my age - w4w - 52 (Overland Park)

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·         Date: 2011-04-02, 9:56AM CDT

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·         Looking for LADIES ONLY that are lucky enough to have at least a couple of weekdays free, and are between 45 and 65! Empty nesters or no children under 18 preferred.
I would prefer your are married as well. I can't really hold up my end of the conversation if you are dissing on your ex, or talking about dating. I am an old married lady. LOL
Would prefer that you not live more than about 10 miles from 119th and Antioch. We all know if friends live too far apart they never get together!
Would like someone to go out to lunch with, go to the movies with, shopping etc. PREFERABLY DURING M-F 9-5 hours.
Financially stable only please. Not looking for friends who can't pay their own way.
I love to travel, read, (I now not exactly a team sport), go to movies, out to lunch, and other girly stuff.
I am a non-smoker and would require you be as well. I do drink alcohol, generally only at home thought.
MWF, with grown children . and three med/large dogs. Two grandchildren. Yes I was prolific at a young age, and so were my children.
Please don't respond if you don't like being seen with overweight people. I have to admit to being a short (5'4") overweight chick who needs to lose about 30lbs.
Only looking for platonic female friendships. Not interested in a sexual relationship.
I look forward to hearing from you. Please put "SPRING" ahhhh, it is finally hear!!!) in your ad, so I will know that you aren't CL spam. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!

Dear Grandma, I have had the pleasure of reading your post and I enjoyed it like a fine wine. Sadly I do not fit any of your criteria, starting with age, and ending "not interested in a sexual relationship." Too bad, I think we could have had a lot of fun. Buzzsaw 

·         Thought about the "lifestyle?" - m4w - 48 (Don't care, anywhere)

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·         Date: 2011-03-31, 7:21PM CDT

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·         Evening ladies!
Pretty cool easygoing guy here looking for some interesting convo. Willing to share my experience in the swinging lifestyle. Not really looking to hook up, just share my thoughts and experience with you. Have you ever had the curiosity about something like this and no one to talk about it with? Well here's a safe enviroment to do so! I'm very experienced with over 20 years of incredible fun under my belt. (pardon the pun LOL)

So, this something you're interested in? Then I would enjoy talking with you!

Dear Swinger, thank you for the best pun ever. Also I bet it is pretty normal for an experienced swinger to want to take women under his wing in a non-sexual manner. After all, with that much experience "under your belt" I bet you are just tired of all the sex. Am I right? I thought so! Well when you get these women properly trained up, would you please let me know? I am pretty to very horny today and I could use a romp in the hay! Love and best wishes, Buzzsaw 

·         Let's throw another shrimp on the barbie

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·         Date: 2011-03-30, 1:17PM CDT

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·         Well, maybe not as it's a little cool out, and I don't eat bait. LOL
Ok so i'm a dork but it makes the days go by faster.
Just kinda bored today so feel like seeing whats happening on cl

Dear Shrimp, thank you for taking an annoying catch phrase and turning it into something beautiful. "I don't eat bait!" Have fun! Buzzsaw PS-I find it very refreshing that you actually have no intention of barbecuing shrimp (bait).

·         looking for turkey & mushroom hunting lady - m4w - 40 (nw mo.)

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·         Date: 2011-03-30, 9:30AM CDT

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·         i have the skills & the land send pic & tell me why you will be a fun hunting buddy

Dear Turkey/Mushroom, you will easily find a hunting buddy! Love Buzzsaw

·         Panty (OP)

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·         Date: 2011-03-25, 9:38PM C

Wanting to sell my used/worn panties. 1 day of wear from a small/med frame woman. $50 obo. Please note that I am offering just the panties, not me! Me (and my husband) will meet in the Hen House parking lot at 135th and Metcalf.
1.No you can not take them off of me, I am married.
2.Just want to provide them for those that have a panty fetish.
3.I meet you in the afternoon, you pay, I hand you the panties and we go our ways. What you do with them after is all on you.
4.I will not send you pictures of me in the panties, you can not take pictures of me in them.

Dear Panties, I do not have a pantie fetish persay, but I do fantasize about meeting women with their husbands in the Hen House parking lot. I would pay you $45 if I could ride along on your next pantie drop. By the way, has anyone ever told you that you write amazingly? I think I am in love! Buzzsaw