Sunday, February 12, 2012

Marsupial Genitals 101

Most of my readers will not have had the chance to view kangaroo testicles at close range. Fortunately for you, I have. In short, they are hilarious looking. That visual comedy also "extends" itself to kangaroo "wangs" as well. As I can think of no way to segue into "normal" territory, I had better explain...

(I am writing this on my cellphone whilst watching Aladin with The Child, my 4 year old future step daughter. I forgot how "subtly" racist this movie is. Oh yeah, it was made by Disney...)

A couple of weeks ago I took The Child to Urbambirra Wildlife Park to kill the time while her mum was at work. We had been in October, during which time we fed a koala and I was chased by an enraged duck (he must have been intimidated by my "animal magnetism").

We were looking for the duck of course. The Child REALLY liked watching me run terrified from it's impotent rage. We never found it, instead making the rounds and feeding various kangaroos, looking at the echidna, and playing Three Billy Goats Gruff on the bridge over the stream.

We were waiting for the 2 PM koala feeding when we were accosted by an aggressively hungry kangaroo. No matter how much we fed it the bastard kept trying to get at our food. It was then that I noticed that it had a baby in it's pouch!

Eating for two! Those crazy mums and their cravings! I bent down to get a closer look. It had a tail poking out of it's pouch, and it must have been a very young Joey because it was virtually hairless. I called The Child over to have a look at the cute little Joey...

Right as she got there I noticed them. About the size of a softball, fuzzy and dangling from the belly of the "mum" as a sign of fertility. Testes. I realized this as time stood still. The second later my stunned silence was broken by The Child.

"It's his willy! It's his WILLY!! His willy!!!!!" She could not contain herself. Thankfully for me nobody else was paying attention and we were able to have a laugh. In fact it was the hardest either of us had ever laughed about marsupial genitalia.

Postscript: The Missus was only mildly amused by the situation, and for some reason she thinks it is weird/problematic that I let The Child eat spaghetti in the bath. The end.

Postscript 2: if I have neglected to utilize such descriptive phrases as "balls like a speed bag" or "dick like a denuded and pointy anteater snout" or even "angular flesh toned sex finger" I apologize profusely. Sincerely, your mentally unfit Internet "friend" AKA, Buzz

Postscript 3: I do not call them "Wangaroos" but you can. Also, if you want a picture, look one up yourself. It is the internet after all.