|I am so taking Adyn and Kadyn to the gathering of the Juggalos this year!!!!|
IT'S MOMMY ANSWERS QUESTIONS TIME!!!!!!
what advice wld u five a mother of two children ages 2 and 5 who refuse to take naps during the day?
Charlene in Port Angeles
Thanks for asking girl! MWAH! Are you ready for it? I don't think so! Because I think I am probably one of the only mommies who will shoot straight and tell you to chloroform the little fuckers right to sleep! It works like a charm! One minute they are insisting on watching Puppies In Space for the hundredth time, next minute, rag over the nose and off to bed! It is so easy its crazy! And the ASSHOLES in the "INDUSTRY" will tell you things like "oh, it's so bad to chloroform your kids to sleep" and "ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE!" But have those fucking people WATCHED Puppies IN Space? IT BLOWS! I do too, really well actually, but that is a different story for a different mommy blog NEXT QUESTION!!!
Love The former Missus Buzzsaw (that guy is SUCH a DOUCHE!!!!)
Dear Missus Ex Buzzsaw, Can a baby nurse off of anything with nipples? Can you discourse on inter-special wet nursing?
Jessica in Seattle
OH GIRL! I am so glad you asked THE BIG QUESTION! And short answer? OH HELL YES! You know, I found out early on when Onyx was a little baby. To cut right to the chase, my little girl (WHO IS ALL EMANCIPATED NOW!!!!XOXO!!!!!) was conceived in the break room at The Poodle Dog Lounge in Tukwilla WA! I was a party party party machine (I was banging some guy, I can't really remember who but he had a sweet ass 8 Ball jacket)!!!! So the point is, after 9 months not drinking, I had some serious making up to do! because of that, when sh wanted to nurse I had so much booze in my tits that she had to nurse from Sadie my pit/lab mix, who luckily had just had a litter! So yes to question one (it is not very succesful with males nipples), and HELL YES to question two! NEXT QUESTION!!!!! XOXO
Love Buzzsaw's ex better half!
|ONYX IT'S YOUR DAD!!!!|
Temper tantrums in public places.
Ginni in Richland
Hey girl, is that a question? I don't see any question mark! OK, JK LOL! I know what you mean, and here is the answer! You WILL NOT stop this train. If one of my kids acts out in public, I'm out. Just last week Kadyn freaked the hell out in Walmart over some tee shirt of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson that I wasn't ABOUT to fuckin' buy him. So I left him crying and yelling and went and bought Adyn a meat ball sub. After about 15 minutes Kadyn finally shut the hell up and came to find us. I would have left his ass to walk or whatever (it's like 14 miles from the trailer court so he might have had to hitchhike or some shit). Anyway, this little powder keg don't have time to wait for whiny little bastards anyway. XOXOXO
Love Missus Ex-Buzzsaw
What is the best way to tell a guy you aren't interested in having kids? (sort of a dating question but still kid related). Onyx might need some advice on this since she's a busy little tramp, lol!!!
Jennifer in LA
OH HEY GIRL!!!! So you are one of THOSE PEOPLE huh? I could never understand it! What with all the money I make from welfare and child support it's a fucking dream life! I am not joking when I tell you I spend 75% of my time in the casino! It is AWESOME! And also I have such funny stories about my babies! Like the time Adyn stole a wallet from a guy I was fucking, spent the money on a potato gun, then stuffed dog shit in the wallet and left it on the corner and hid in the bushes watching people pick it up! He said it was funny as fuck! Personally I think it was rather clever, given the fact he was only 8 years old! So, seriously, what the hell is your asshole problem? As for Onyx, she is going to get doctor pregnant ASAP!!!
Love, Missus Ex B.
I already have a bearded dragon and a cat. Which one should I treat a baby more like?
Chris in Pittsburg
Oh Hey girl! I have a bearded clam and a pussie, and show them an equal amount of love! I think you should do the same you cad!
Love The one and only ex missus B
Um, yeah. Why do the women hold all the power?
Steve in Kirkland
Oh you know it! Because we are the best! Anymore silly questions? yeah, that's right, time for you to sit through another viewing of Barby Fairy Secret and suck it the hell up! Oh and buy your wife some jewelry or you ain't gettin' a damn thing!
Love, a higher power. A woman.