Tuesday, July 9, 2013

MOM.COM!!! The Buzzsaw Mommy Blog!

I wanted to start this post with a picture that my eldest Onyx sent me of the updo she is about to get! The doctor she is on a date with said he would pay! For a 15 year old she is a good little gold digger already! Mommy (Buzzsaw) taught you well!

I think this will look *super* cute! LOL!
OK, now that I super supported my daughter I want to take a few minutes to talk serious about some of the haters who are saying my blog is slutlike and promotes promiscuity. Normally I wouldn't think twice to slap a ho' but I imagine that the bitch who complained is just another bridezilla in a sexless marriage yearning for a bit of hanky panky! Anyway, what matters is that I love my kids no matter what! No matter what! which brings us to the topic at hand: MY BOOOOOOOYS!!!!

This is what they will probably look like when  they are older!

If you were stupid enough not to read about me on my first mommy blog, then you may not know about my two twins, Kaydyn and Adyn. They are twelve and just had to redo 6th grade because their son of a bitch principle said they "lacked sufficient social/academic skills" whatever that means. Anyway, the man is an ASS! He has a comb over and wears a fanny pack for crying out loud! He also had the nerve to tell me that my skirt was too short and the fishnet stocking were "inapropriate" for a class field trip to the morgue! The reason they took the boys to the morgue was to "scare them straight" whatever that means. Of course, Kadyn and Adyn had fun stuffing their fortunes from our dim sum lunch up the nose of a man who had a viagra caused heart attack! Talk about a "stiff"!!! Well after that I had just about enough of that terrible man and when Adyn asked if we could go get a Ouija board to see if we could summon any of the spirits I gladly obliged. When we got home I smoked a bunch of cigarettes and combed out their rat tails while they worked on contacting the spirit world. Here is their HILARIOUS dialogue:

Kadyn: How the fuck does this fucking piece of shit even work? Its just a fucking pointer and an alphabet on another piece of wood, what a jizz soaked nightmare!

Adyn: You fucking TWAT! Don't you fucking even know how to read? The fucking hands of the evil one will guide your pointer as the words of the dead are passed on to the enlightened. God, you are such a fucking dunce.

Kadyn: Jesus you prick! MOM! Give me a drag! That little fucker is hurting my feelings again! (He takes a deep drag from my Virginia Slim) SHIT MOM! I hate when you get lipstick all over your smokes! It's SICK!

Adyn: Hey dumbass, why don't you steal your own fucking smokes if you hate it so much. BITCH ASS DILDO HOLSTER!

[crash! now it's a rumble! with rat tails flying the twins square off! with raised fists our two pugilists are ready for anything! bam. Adyn lands a strong right cross, but Kadyn counters with a kick to the knee and a swing of a high heel that Onyx left out in the living room! if you were only here we could get a nice little pool going. the boys are almost equal in strength, though Adyn has the larger brain. anyway, that was pretty much it]

Well, that's all for now, just wanted to update you! Love Mr Mommy!

1 comment:

  1. Seriously funny shit! You should write a book!