Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Mom Is The Bomb! The Buzzsaw Mommy Blog!

For many of my readers it may come as quite a shock that I decided to turn The Buzzsaw Report into a mommy blog, but I have my reasons and shame on you for questioning me! Tsk tsk! Actually, full disclosure, the main reason I decided to do it was because Mommy blogs are really popular with female readers. Actually that is the only reason. Anyway, let me tell you about my latest creation!

One of the many aspects of mommy blogging is arts and crafts. So I have been working like a madman (woman) on all kinds of themed macrame! Here are just a few examples!

This one almost ended in CATastrophe!

I sold the whole KITTEN caboodle on my Etsy site!

I copied this one from a CATalog!

Not like I get to do that stuff all the time, what with looking after my twins, Kadyn and Adyn! Of course Onyx, my eldest is very independent at 15, in fact I just took her in to Mr Nasty's Tatoo Emporium and she got a rocking little tramp stamp! It is super sexy and I happily signed the parental consent. Of course since I have been prescribed Xanax for my anxiety disorder I have really started to go with the flow! For the most part my parental philosophy has been to simply let kids be kids! That's why I wasn't super worried when Kadyn got suspended from 7th grade for throwing clay at a teachers window! From what he says she is a major bitch and had it coming! In my opinion, she actually got lucky! Kadyn is a cunning little fucker, so if he really wanted to he could probably destroy you computer wise! See, I bought all my kids all the latest stuff at a young age and now they are hella computer literate! Actually Onyx has been getting a lot of dates through Zoosk and Plenty Of Fish, which is super good for her! She is super into older men, so the online dating thing is WAY better! Actually she just walked in to my study and said she is going to a musical WITH A DOCTOR!!!! SQUUEEEEEEEE!!!! He's a TOTAL hardbody! Anyway, one of these days we will have to go on a double date, but I would hate to cramp her style! OK, enough about the kids! Back to me! This week I have a mani/pedi and a meeting with my probation officer! He's super hot too actually, so maybe I will see if he wants to go out with Onyx and I if that scrumptious doctor asks her out a second time! OK, now I am really done and it's time for reader questions!!!!!

Dear Mr Mom, my 23 year old son has just told me that he loves Twilight and wants to be a vampire, what should I do? Lori in Pennsyltucky

Dear Lori, that is so cute! Your young one just might be the smartest boy around! You see The Twilight Saga is very very popular with the female crowd! He has just landed himself a great conversation starter with women of all ages! AND I MEAN ALL! Anyway, my suggestion is that he get some fang marks tatted on his neck so he can really play up the vampire bit! He is looking to be slammed with all kinds of trim in no time! So you tell your lil' Nesferatu to keep his head up and his pockets full of rubbers! I see a bright (just kidding, *sunlight* LOL) future for this young man! Watch out ladies, Cullen coming through!
Love, Mr Mommy

Dear Mr Mommy, My fifteen year old just told me that he hates his name and wants to change it! What should I do? Judy, in Carolina

Dear Judy, first of all, tell him hell yes! But of course there are limits! Under no circumstances should you allow him to change it to Penis Smith or Constipation Williams. Those two names are terrible and strictly OFF LIMITS! lol/JK! He should actually feel free as a bird when changing his name (which of course you should let him do), so tell him to write all his ideas on pieces of paper and put them in a hat. The only rule is that you are the one who gets to pick. This will secure your status of matron! HAHAHA! Gotcha again! If it were me I would just get everybody drunk, let my kid choose his name, then take a cab to the courthouse and get 'er done! LOL! You are super funny Judy! Who even asks a question like this? A nerd? Anyway, I hear the Pizza delivery guy, so since the boys are playing video games and Onyx is out, I think I may invite him in so I can "inspect his peperoni"!! LOL! Gotta go! Mr Mommy


  1. Thank you SO MUCH, Mr. Mommy! I don't know what I'd ever do without your guidance! Lori in Pennsyltucky

  2. Dear Mr. Mommy: What should I do if my son wants to change his name to Twilight Constipation Penis? I'm not saying he does, but I am looking for an excuse to send him to boot camp, so your stamp of approval is worth more than rubies. In Him, Mrs. Mommy

  3. Dear Mr. Mommy, thanks for your awesome advice. It's so freeing to give my son choices and reign over his life. No more worries for me! I can go back to my nerdy interests and let him run with abandon. I almost hope that he does pick Penis Smith! Than I can just call him Dick.