It seems like it has been too long

I have been longing to get back on craigslist to find some killer posts, but I sort of let my love fade for a couple months. Of course I look every once in awhile, but fail to hit paydirt or give up too soon. Tonight however, in an attempt to do some easy work, I got on the San Francisco page. After living in Santa Cruz for a couple years I got to experience the weirdness of the bay area first hand. I found a few gems, but the one I want to feature is actually an LA promo ad. I am having trouble figuring out what it is that they are looking for. Please read, let the beauty of this posting wash over you. Inhale the bouquet. Slowly, exhale. Close your eyes and imagine the scenario described in the post. THIS COULD BE YOU!

Looking for Hot Music Artists

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Date: 2011-01-24, 11:03AM PST

On February 19, 2011 All-N-One-Enterprise will be hosting one of the biggest events during the NBA All-Star weekend, “The Phressh Buzz All-Star Magazine Release Party.” Headlining the event is Def Jam’s newcomer, Mann, performing his hit “Buzzin” ft. 50 Cent and The Stallionaires (Real & Chance from VH1’s Real Chance of Love.) If you’re an independent artist or label, this is where you want to be All-Star Saturday.

• Imagine an event that’s designed to cater to you, the independent artist.
• Imagine walking on a red carpet where the media is breaking their necks to catch a picture of you.
• Imagine stepping into an event and seeing your brand and music being promoted on the big screen all night.
• Imagine an event where you have your own VIP table and your poppin’ bottles with the sexiest women from around the world.
• Imagine an event where professional athletes and celebrities are in attendance, but you’re the STAR TO SEE!
• Imagine an event where the Who’s Who of the music industry are there to network with the hottest independent talent to take them to the next level.
• Imagine an event where you can get the respect you deserve from the CEO of The Phressh Buzz Magazine.
• Imagine watching people flipping through the pages of the phresshest hip-hop magazine and knowing that they’re reading an article about YOU!

NOW STOP IMAGINING AND START BEING THE ARTIST YOU CLAIM TO BE IN YOUR MUSIC. Make Los Angeles your city February 19th. Hit The Phressh Buzz now to find out how you can get an interview and ad in our Special Edition Issue!!

Now that you have read this masterpiece, I would like to make a few observations. I realized just as I posted it that they are actually trying to sell advertising space. I am sure they will do a couple of interviews, but mainly they are selling ads. I was able to find "The Phressh Buzz" online fairly easily. I was expecting the site to be a nightmare of flash animation booty pictures (well sort of a nightmare). Instead I was greeted very slowly by a page that was full of embedded video players. I clicked on the link to "Phressh Girls" and my web browser locked up. You will have to take my word for it, or find it yourself, I am not posting a link.

Moving right along! The heart and soul of this post is the what ifs. What if I were walking a red carpet with the media literally "breaking their necks to catch a picture!" OF ME? OMG! Someone would break their neck to catch a picture of me! It appeals to the ego, no matter how much you lie and pretend that it doesn't. The scenario gets better though!

I have never even tried imagining my own VIP table before! Its actually pretty intense when you think about it. The funny thing is that a VIP table is something you bring a couple close friends to. Not me. I think I want those poppin' bottles and beautiful women from around the world all to myself! Ha! I am having a great time just writing this! In fact I think I am going to make this one of my goals for 2011. The only goal. What are your goals for 2010?

Note: Since the writing of this piece the author has made further goals. The first would be to meet some "Phressh girls." Any girls for that matter. Another goal is to NEVER miss an opportunity to point out exactly how dreadful it is to spell the word "Fresh" P-H-R-E-S-S-H. It was a neat way to do it back when people started saying "phat" and in fact the author loves to spell phonetically. He is trying to love the added "s" but it is too much. The author hates. The author must look and look away just to write. They author doesn't even if he could type the word phressh again. Goodnight.