Dangling Participles!

Forgive me, but I have been busy. I would like to say with what and whom, but I have stalkers I need to keep on their toes! Anyway, sometime before I got busy (doing things most people consider "hella cool") I found the following post on the NYC craigslist strictly platonic page. Yes people, I am "getting back to my roots"!!! It takes a lot to surprise me, what with the fact that I am now fairly obsessed with fetishes and have always had an uncanny knack for finding the bizarre without much real effort of my own, but this post was neat. It was polite, professional and oozes with what I would call "STRICTLY NOT AT ALL PLATONIC!!!!!!!!!!!" Well lets see what you think dear reader, have at it!

[Editors note: I left the email link because I am 98-99% sure you will all want to get in on this paying gig!]

Shoeplay / Dangling $$$$ - m4w - 27 (Nolita / Bowery)

 

Date: 2012-12-13, 6:37PM EST

Reply to this postReply to: 7g7nx-3461051402@pers.craigslist.org

 

Hey there,

I am putting this ad up because I am a fan of shoeplay/ dangling (when women cross their legs and let their shoes hang from their toes).. I especially love when women do this with ballet flats while they are riding the subway or studying in the library or wherever really. I am looking for a woman whom has the time to provide this for me, at least once a week. . . we would meet at a public place (like library or barnes and nobles) and you would study or read or use the computer and dangle and I would just view the show. It's really simple and it works out for both of us, as I usually only require one hour. I am willing to pay upwards of 100-150$ per hour.. I do expect you to own multiple pairs of flats and have a consistent schedule from week to week. I would prefer an asian woman, but all races are welcome.. better if you are a student or grad student and have open schedule. Please only serious replies, I do not want to waste my time or yours.

If you are interested, please reply back and we can speak more specifically via email. Thanks.







THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT BY SHOE DANGLING!!! YOU WILL NOT BE PAID!!!!!

IF YOU THINK YOU WILL GET $150 PER HOUR TO MOCK ME DIE!!!!!

THOSE ARE NOT BALLET FLATS!!!! YOU ARE NOT AN ASIAN!!!!!

THE CREEPY SUBTEXT OF IT ALL!!!!!

Obviously I added a few captions (and this post had no pictures either) but if you hadn't guessed by reading, there is definitely/probably for sure, something sexual and not platonic about the post. Let's take a closer look.

1) The word "shoeplay"! If you can even say that word out loud without a mildly gross feeling, yes I am judging you, but even if you are in to shoeplay, just know that it's not that it's the worst thing in the world but it is weird as hell. Plus the word shoeplay sounds extremely creepy.

2) "Women who cross their legs and let their shoes dangle from their toes"! It's so specific (and obviously gets more specific later, but he also mentions money later so hmmm....

3) Super specific. Subway. Library. Or wherever? Really? No. This guy is absolutely balls out set upon the subway and the library. No ifs ands or butts. No butts, just dangling. On the subway. While he watches? Films? Wow! I want to pay him $30 to watch him watch her! On the subway. or anywhere really!

4) You will/can consider this a part time job. If you are in college, most likely you will be working some minimum wage job, paying taxes and all kinds of stuff. So really this is a good opportunity, so email me, I mean this post. It's a wonderful opportunity for you and....this guy.

5) It always requires an hour. Don't kid yourself.

6) You must be Asian. Thank you for your time.