Ladies, you have options...

How many emails have I received about the marital/boyfriend problems that people (women I do not know) on my Facebook friends list are experiencing? The answer? You actually do not want to know. It has happened a lot, but thankfully not for awhile. I assume that this is the calm before the storm, so in order to thwart the inevitable, and give these women some men to pal around with, I went on www.craigslist.org/houston and picked out a few choice entries.  They are as follows:

1) Free Room Share - m4w - 28 (Hotel)

I am a business man and can provide a place to stay while I am here. Email for more details. Hotel is at Sage and Westheimer.

Highlights: In my opinion this whole entry is a highlight. Nothing says "no strings attached" like the phrase "free room to share." It is not like he is into anything crazy, plus he probably gets HBO. On top of that the two of you (though he does not specify a number) could discuss business as you doze off. If you are lucky he will let you order up room service. Not a bad deal, if you are homeless you have a place. If you already have a place, think of it as a "staycation" either way you can't possibly lose here!

2) An adventure - m4w (houston)

Hey!

I am looking for a femaile friend to share an adventure with. Look, I put this in platonic because I'm not after sex and that kinda gets in the way of fun sometimes. I will meet any and all of your security needs as I know there are some real psycos and creeps out there. You should be attractive, HWP, 35 - 52, fun loving, gregarious (never met a stranger), humorous and like water and beaches, dancing and good food. This is a vacation, so you will need some time to get away. This is not a bot....I AM REAL! If you respond, put pina colada's in your subject line. You must send a picture. Mutual attraction is a must. I promise, you will not be disappointed with my looks. I am divorced and not dating at this time.

Highlights: One of the key highlights here is that the author assures the reader that he is "not a bot...I AM REAL!" Of course if you read the...as hesitation, you might wonder why...he had to...figure out he WAS REAL! Either way it is nice to know that though he is in no way interested in sex (we all agree that it gets in the way of the fun right?) he IS interested in what his "femaile friend" looks like. Lastly, it is clearly a benefit that he will "meet any and all of your security needs." Suffice to say that though he does not reveal what his "vacation" will consist of (I read this several times without realizing he would be taking you somewhere), it is sure to be "an adventure." One from which you may "decide" never to return from.

3) 60, gray, Beer belly, married - m4w - 60 (Katy)

Hi
My name is Ed and let me tell you about me. As I said I am white, 60, gray hair somewhat thining, with a bet of a beer belly. I am Texas Through and through.
Talk Texan, walk texan, think texan. A bit of a red neck. I dive a Chevy Pick up and I have a few cows. I am a Cowboy fan, Texan are OK too.
Now that most of you have left, let me tell you what I like to do. I am retired now so I have all day to run and play. The only problem is I can play like I use to
sad to say. So I would like to find a lady that like to set around a talk and be a friends. The only thing I have now is me and I do give great wallet.
you must be over 18 and under 65 and you can not have a kick stand, in other words you must set to pee. Sound like a plan, let me know.
Ed

Highlights: Clarity. Sort of. At the end he hints that you can not have a "kick stand" which I presumed was a cane. But in the next sentence he says it means "you must set to pee." Of course, he may mean, you must be set on pee! And the pee setting is one which I use on any appliance I own. In fact my laptop is set to pee every 10 minutes. Thank goodness it is a hot day. Typically in the winter it is set to pee only every hour, the cold weather really changes things. Other highlights are that he gives "great wallet" a skill which is usefull the whole world round. He also "dives" a Chevy truck and "owns a few cows." All around, he sounds like a hell of a tallented man. Next?

4) WHO WANTS TO PLAY? - m4w - 22 (hwy6 and 290)

I WANT TO GET DOWN GET DOWN JUNGLE BOOGIE WITH SOME CATS..MY MOTORCYCLE....AND I GUESS A CUTE GIRL!!! I MEAN CMON LOOK AT ME!! DO I LOOK LIKE IM NOT INTO FUN?!?!?!!?!?!?
EMAIL ME I BROKE MY PHONE LETTING A CAT CHEW ON IT. MEOW

This is the face of a man who is clearly unafraid of cats!

Highlights: Let's face it, this entry is short and to the point. He wants to party on a motorcycle with cats and perhaps a girl. If you need anything more than that, the problem lies within. Your. Cold. Evil. Soul.

5) **I SEEK ASIAN/LATINA LADY FOR PROSPEROUS BUSINESSMAN COMPANIONSHIPS** - m4w - 41 (HOUSTON)

I am a Caucasian male, 41 and 5' 10" and 175 lbs. I am a professional white collar executive company President. I own and operate a very profitable import commodities company. Most of my product comes from either Asia or Latin America. I am clean and healthy, considerate, both very financially and quite emotionally stable. I am well educated, well dressed, and well mannered. I am seeking a mature Asian or Latina woman from 20-50 years old who is in the same situation as I. If you are looking for attention and appreciation and the finer things in life then I can provide that for you. I am a respectful traditional gentleman who is sincerely seeking a mutually interested woman. Please send pix and I will be most pleased to reciprocate. You any feel free to ask any questions or concerns you may have. Be well and take good care.

 Highlights: This is totally a legit opportunity and not a scam.

Well ladies, there you have it. Who says that Ol' Buzzsaw is not taking care of you?

PS-If any Asian or Latina females need to get ahold of me, please use the same email address as the cat guy. LOL

Someone fell for it. Glad it wasn't you!

The beauty about Craigslist is that it allows one to research a place without actually going there. As they say, take a trip and never leave the farm (which was a line from song called Wildwood Weed, an ode to psychadelics). Today I have transported myself to Adelaide Australia. The city of churches. I don't know if the two people I feature go to those churches, if they do they should pray for more brains. Here is the story.

I went to the personal postings, and it seems that in Adelaide folks have other ways to meet people there were only a handful of posts. Luckily one of them was this:

Wealthy International Businessman etc etc etc - 45 (Adelaide)

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Date: 2011-03-09, 12:43AM CST

I'd just like to warn people of a man posting on CL such things as "Wealthy International Businessman" arrived from places like the French Riviera. Please do not reply, he is a convicted conman and I'd hate people to be caught out like I was.

What amazed me was the fact that someone would fall for something like this in the first place. I was also amazed that the person admitted it. I can only guess that it is actually some kind of accomplice because how would they know that the conman had been convicted...Maybe it is being used to trick people who have a fetish for being conned...strange and funny. It was interesting as well that three entries down I found this:

Arrived from France wealthy Int Bussinessman (Adelaide)

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Date: 2011-02-21, 1:00AM CST

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Have been in this wonderful city 8mths,have yet to meet a woman
that can capture my attention or desire to feel fulfilled in mind and body.If you have a presence that stops the world then send me words and a recent photo that might stop mine.Not interested in dreamers or bull shit,keep it real,honest and raw,must be addicted to living and love travel,the ocean,the french riviera and Definatly not stuck in Vanilla.If you want to live life no regrets laugh,dance,eat,sing,drink good wine,explore the places no one wants you to see,love passion,hunger for wild lust without fear,then be brave nothing ever happens without effort and a change.YES? Give me something worth reading,No photo No response,not that hard to understand is it.

After reading it I am shocked that anyone who even has the mental capacity to turn on a computer and operate the internet would fall for it. It starts big and gets bigger. First off, I would guess that most wealthy businessman can spell businessman correctly. I also find it fishy that a man of his wealth and obvious class could remain anywhere for 8 months and not meet a lady that can captivate him. Also "Just Arrived From France" 8 months ago? How is that "just arriving" it doesn't even make sense! His charm is evident throughout with lines like "Not interested in dreamers or bull shit,keep it real,honest and raw,must be addicted to living and love travel,the ocean,the french riviera and Definatly not stuck in Vanilla." how can you not be blown away! He is quite clearly a wealthy businessman, so I guess his insistence on "no dreamers" makes loads of sense. One can just imagine him dictating this to his secretary who probably is in love with him, but doesn't stand a chance because she doesn't have "hunger for wild lust without fear" and she isn't sure if she has "a presence that stops the world." A man like that is one in a million, and common folk should stay away. I think the man is slumming by using craigslist. And yes, I am now quite convinced that the first post was placed there by someone who did not send a picture. I changed my mind, the man is a god to me. Merely mortal Buzzsaw.