Thursday, December 2, 2010

Advice, advice, advice

As you might have guessed this BS report is actually more of an advice column. Sorry if you expected otherwise, but I have a lot of people asking me what they should do in life and I feel it would be unfair to hide my pearls of wisdom like some sort of forbidden fruit rollup. So here you go:

Dear Buzzsaw, Man, I just want to tell you that I have been a fan of yours since the early days on KCWU! Man I used to love listening to "Patrick Friendly" and "Ledocious D" "Lil Pickl" and the rest of the gang! And that time you had the contest to see who got to bring you coffee! Hilarious! But to get on topic I have a major problem. I work at Valley Honda in Ranch Cucamungo CA and my boss Janet Phinney is having an affair with my co-worker Ben Fields. they are both married, and the problem is that I am a personal friend with Ben's wife Sarah Fields. In fact she got me the job! Another hitch is that I sometimes go geo caching with Janet's husband Neil Phinney! I feel like I am in a pickle! Should I tell someone that Ben Fields and Janet Phinney are having an affair or should I keep my mouth shut? Please, Buzzsaw, your my only hope.
Sincerely Donald Fink, Rancho Cucamungo, CA

Dear Donald Fink, thanks for remembering the old days! It means a lot to hear that someone is paying attention to my work. Anyway, as far as your question. I am sure things are tough at Valley Honda in Rancho Cucamungo CA now that Janet Phinney and Ben Fields are engaged in an extra marital affair. what I advise you to do is wait. It might not be a good thing if you went to Sarah Fields or Neil Phinney and told them about it. It seems to me that maybe you could give it time to blow over. Maybe Janet Phinney and Ben Fields of Rancho Cucamungo CA are just involved in a fling. Also, do you have a hobby? Maybe you just need something to do. But seriously, I would just try to get my work done at Valley Honda in Rancho Cucamungo CA. The affair between your boss Janet Phinney and your co-worker Ben Fields will work itself out! Ta ta, Buzzsaw

Dear Buzzsaw, I am thinking about getting a lizard. Any ideas? Jessie in Houston

Dear Jessie let me tell you I love me some lizards. I suggest either the Leopard Gecko, the Red Ackie, or the Bearded Dragon. Any of these are great lizards for someone new to lizardry. In case you have further questions and I am unavailable there are many great online resources for this type of thing. I especially love have fun with your new pal! Love always, Buzzsaw

Dear Buzzsaw, what is that smell? Sean

Dear Sean, I think it is the aroma fresh baked  toasted coconut cookies and an apple wood fire. I also catch the rich loamy smell of hot ginger tea, does that help? See ya, Buzzsaw

That's all for tonight, have a good one, best regards, Ian "Buzzsaw" the short guy Barnes

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