Saturday, December 25, 2010

Best of 2010, part II

Dr Hunter S Twilight here. Last night "Buzzsaw" got all sentimental about all this "sweet" stuff. It showed him to be a precious turd. In reality he is as bad if not worse than the two things I hate the most. I am writing this in hopes of ruining his pathetic career and forcing him to become a hippie.

The nice thing is that both things are actually people. At least I think they might be. They are also both from the UK. So even for a dunce like me, it is easy to remember. For the sake of my simple mind I will go alphabetically. Starting with B.

B stands for Bono. The first thing I hate about this "man" is his name. It is spelled B O N O. It should and will be pronounced BOH-NO not BAWNO. Was Cher's former husband Sonny Bawno? Absolutely not. If he wanted it to be pronounced that way he should have spelled it Bonno. It is very simple. Respect my ability to read and pronounce the English language and I will respect you BOWNO. I don't mind the fact that his music is bland and boring like plain oatmeal. It is probably good for you too. The fact is that I can barely remember any of it and it all sounds the same.

BOWNO's lameness is not diminished by the fact that his guitar player, David Howell Evans, insists on being called "The Edge" and wearing that damn beanie. It sounds like a bad wrestling moniker Dave. The beanie makes you look like a mime too poor to get a striped shirt. This longtime association is an indication that they are both terrible people. I have not even started on BOWNO's glasses.

I don't know how long The Bone has been wearing yellow safety glasses, but I would pay good money to see him without them. Essentially they are a middle finger to the world which he displays on his face. Nobody in their right mind would think they look good. Does he want to make fun of the working man who actually has to wear safety glasses and who spends good money to buy his music? He is just the insincere type of fiend who would love to thumb his nose at his audience.

Lastly, bOWNO is obnoxious because of his "spirituality." He has been adopted by many for his "faith" but I have never heard him say anything. He is the grayest of the gray areas. neither black nor white, sitting on the fence line collecting money from both sides of the fence. As far as I know all he has ever done is play music. Much of the time making massive amounts of money doing it. To some this may be equivalent of a Masters in Divinity, but not to this cat. Bowno, please shut the hell up!

The next "artist" I hate is Sting. I will briefly outline why, then pull BOWNO back into the mix and lacerate them both. Gordon Sumner aka Sting is an irritating putz who probably spends half his day in front of the mirror and the other half creating pretentious press releases. He is rich beyond belief, yet wants to be known as an everyman. Like Bowno he is "spiritual" only to a level which will not offend, mainly probably so he can impress women.

If his music were less annoying maybe I would hate him less. It is, and I don't If I wanted to here someone repeatedly wail the name Roxanne, then I would be the moron. I don't and am not. The real proof of the pudding lies in the fact that he loves to brag about practicing tantric sex, and even claims to have 14 hour sex sessions! This is a lie because no one does that, and if they could would be bored as hell way before 14 hours. It never happened Sting you lie! I could maybe stomach both of these buffoons, if not for their "charitable works."

Neither Bowno or Sting will stop trying to get their fans (who by the way are paying for their lavish lifestyle) to part with more money. Sting has an estimated fortune of $160 MILLION! He has multiple estates. And he wants me to send money to other people. This is neat. The fact is that I know people with more talent than Sting who dedicate their lives to charitable works. shut your mouth Sting. Stop talking. Bono has an estimated net worth of between $100-400 MILLION. And he wants me to give money to his pet charity. Both of these buffoons could still be rich beyond belief and probably save an entire African nation. I think they are the worst of people, let's vote them off our planet!

Thank you for reading this, hope your Christmas was as boring as mine. Dr HS Twilight, PHD

1 comment:

  1. I have to say I was laughing heartily on my couch. I like both Bowno's and Sting's music but you're right, they are both idiots. I agree with that.

    I will second your vote to get them off of the planet. We have better musicians around and we can use their money to help nations in need.

    I once heard that "Bowno" had forgotten his favorite hat and wanted it for his performance. He had his private jet fly half way around the country to go and get it for him. If that isn't a jackass then I don't know what is.

    Well said. Thanks for the laugh. You should do one about female divas. I'd love to see who you choose to vote off to join them on planet 'Dumbass'.