The story I am about to tell is one of bravery and grit, a story of one womans fight for the freedom of all house cats. The story of Rebecca!
Rebecca was born Julia Roberts to her parents, Robert and Roberta in Bowling Green Kentucky on July 4th 1476. They gave her the name Julia because they thought that Roberta Roberts Jr, was a truly horrid name. As a young girl Julia Roberts was actively involved in her community as a member of Chamber of Commerce and the Daughters of The American Revolution. As a young girl she was quite interested in science and computers, and luckily for the town of Bowling Green she did not mind setting up the internet in the town hall. It has been rumored that she even set up our first president George Washington's first facebook profile! This was when he was going as ByGeorge34527, which was a profile he kept up until his death at Mount Vernon in 2004.
As a the only female member of the Boy Scouts she was also the first female to earn her Eagle Scout award. To this day it hangs from the rear view mirror of her Toyota Prius, which she bought after winning a poker tournament at Diamond Lil's Cardroom in Lynwood WA. Julia is married to a man known only as "Art Garfunkel" who is an artist. His hobbies include online games such as Farmville and Sorority Life. He is said to be extremely handsome and his nose aquiline.
I have been lucky enough to have spent many hours with Julia Roberts volunteering at the local blood banks and libraries. We do this because we are in fact two of the best people in the world. Bar none. That is except for Art Garfunkel and the kids, Jody Foster and Stephen Foster. These two are a true blessing. Jody has taken after her mother working with computers and saving lives, while Stephen Foster is a moron. Jody says that he gets it from his fathers fishing hat, which everyone knows is a dunce.
Last week while we were donating large sums of money to several local and international charities I asked Julia what her plans were. She told me that she was considering running for the Nobel Prize for Hotness, since she is extremely hot. It seemed like a very sound idea, so when she suggested that I also run, I quickly agreed. it would be my chance to really show the world what I was all about, it would be my chance to shine. Julia Roberts you are an extremely gifted person. I love your caption. I love your work in Africa and New Hampshire (she founded the New Hampshire home for the Geriatric and Crazy in 1798). I think you are a babe and a catch. If not for your undying love for Art Garfunkel, your svelte husband, I would make a play. Not that I have a chance against Art anyway, but I would hate myself if I did not try! Julia Roberts you are a sweet sweet southern belle. Goodnight. Your man, Buzzsaw
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