North To Alaska!

1. Hey you bastards! I just went to my website and saw the creepy no shirt guy from my last entry making www.sirbuzzsaw.com look even weirder than usual. So as I have been getting interested in Alaska (on account of my old pal Glen LeBaron and the rest of the Bering Sea Gold crew), I decided to check out the Craigslist Strictly Platonic in Anchorage AK. I found GOLD right away! This post was so good, that I will try to let it speak for itself with some brief comments at the end, and by bolding and italicizing important sections of text. Thank you come again, Buzzsaw!

Skulls and Candy! - m4w - 29

The horse is named Russell. [caption not included in original post]

age : 29 body : thin height : 5'9" (175cm) status : single

M: So. You opened it. Now you should respond to the post.
Y: Why?
M: Because I can make you laugh and feel better.
Y: How do you plan on doing that?
M: Ha ha. You will just have to find out.

OK. I work for a living and have all my own things. I don't do drugs but I do drink. I'm fun loving and caring. I have no diseases and pride myself on staying clean. I hate drama so don't bring any with you. You will have to find out more later. :-P
So if you are female of any size any race ages 18 - 30 you should email with me just because. I may post this in any personals ad area but what I am looking for is convorsation for starters then from their who knows what this world will bring. I am open minded (but not for another man)

Change the subject line to MEOWING MOOSE and your pic gets mine. Although a pic would help weed out spam as well. If you aren't the one holding the cam, or it isn't a webcam photo, AUTO DELETED! I hate spam...

Brief Notes: You are going to get murdered if you respond to this. Love Buzz

A Harrisburg Valentine (Boxing Day)!!!!

HI THERE! It's what all the youth are saying! Or so they tell me on Linkdin! Which by the way is the best place to meet fun and adventurous lovers...but of course this is not about my dalliances in and around the worlds most successful professional networking site! No! This is about craigslist. The place you people go to exchange bodily fluids and pay people to spank you! So here we go with round two of Harrisburg Valentines! Buckle your seat belts and keep your vomit bag handy!
 HEEEEERRREEEE WEEEEE GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looking for a date or a friend - not a trick! - 60 - m4m (Harrisburg)

YES. THIS WAS ACTUALLY IN THE POST. NO FURTHER COMMENT.

Does anybody date anymore, without expecting to jump into the sack with a total stranger? I wouldn't mind dating, with no expectations. Or, friends to do things like hiking and biking. For friends, your age and shape doesn't matter. For dating, please be height/weight proportionate. I'm 5'7", 143 pounds, try to keep in good shape and looking for same.

CLEAR face pic needed for response. OK, what part of "CLEAR face pic" is above the comprehension level of some people? Hiding behind sunglasses, in a pic that requires a microscope to view, doesn't count!

Speaking of pics - I'm an amateur photographer who can take decent pics if you need to update the pics you have.

Comments: Yes. I lied. I have further comments. And questions. Such as: Did he take this picture in a walk in freezer? Is it totally CLEAR what he means by CLEAR? Did he make himself CLEAR? How molested do you feel now on a scale of 1-10? 10? Oh, CLEARLY you need to read it again and you would have said "11"! Oh, would you like him to take some nude pictures of you? CLEAR NUDE PICTURES???? Ah, now we are cooking with gas! Speaking of gas, did you think he would take nude pictures without first giving you a bit of laughing gas? Can you feel those handcuffs? It shouldn't hurt a bit......

Need a spanking friend - m4w - 32 (32)

age : 32
I'm looking for a friend who would like the kind of relationship where we hang out, watch movies, maybe get dinner sometimes, but also where one of us gets spanked. I'm not looking for sex out this, although i wouldn't say it's never a possibility. but for right now i just want a Spanking partner/friend. no stress, no pressure to be more. just simply spanking friends. I prefer to give, but don't mind taking one every now and again

Comments: Oh, you poor bastard. you thought I was joking about this. Well the joke is on you because to someone as well versed in the depravity of Craigslist Strictly Platonic posts this is very much run of the mill. I am actually falling asleep typing this. NEXT!

Naked Book Club - m4w - 36 (Mechanicsburg)

age : 36
Yes. You read it correctly.

Naked Book Club

Real people. Good books. Great conversation. No clothes.

What better way to start the new year?

Interested? Hope to hear from you.



Comments: Now this is not entirely unexpected, but because it is in Mechanicsburg PA it is even more heelarious than it would otherwise be. Which is pretty hilarious. I reckon they can use pubic hairs to mark their pages when they set their books down. Of course I imagine that the reading material will consist mostly of Tom Clancy with the occasional Daniele Steele. This is Central PA after all!

stadium club. - w4m (steelton )

Me and my friend are going to stadium club. Come chat with us.
We get bored. So we need people to talk to. She's in white and I'm in cheetah. You'll know us.

The Cheetah was moving so fast her pants caught fire!

Comments: Oh yeah. We will know you alright. The Cheetah outfit at The Stadium Club in Steelton PA. Natch. I'll meet you for jello shots and we can bang out an 8 ball in the baffroom. I'm on my way!

S or MWF for Cuddle Friend - m4w (Mechanicsburg)

I am told that there are more women than I realize who are interested in this type of relationship. Why do I only hear from the hookers, the phonies and the immature? Change the subject line to the color of your eyes, tell me about yourself and sorry no BBW's. No sex and no nude cuddling. I can host and live in a condo in Mech. 

Comments: Oh, you thought I was joking about Mechanicsburg PA? Stupid punk! Never doubt me! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!

Next Door Neighbor - m4w - 60 (Mechanicsburg)

age : 60 body : average height : 5'10" (177cm) status : partnered
You're my next door neighbor and you are a sweet woman. You borrow something from me on occasions and I think you are a darling. You live near a High School if you see this email me what you borrow.

Comments: Truly, this is one of the weirdest things I have ever seen. Or one of the most normal things to be birthed in the unholy womb of Mechanicsburg PA. And with this I must leave you. To your waking nightmares/ Love and mutual masturbation, Buzzsaw!

A Craigslist Valentines Day (in Harrisburg)!

As the soft pillows of snow drift over the frozen corpses of hobos, the candlelit dinner I microwaved for myself turns my heart once again to love, and my fingers once again to type w w w . c r a i g s l i s t . o r g...
Celebrating one year as a resident of the wonderfully regressive Harrisburg PA, I decided to examine the various local Casanova's, and make my plans for escape. So without further fanfare, I present
A Craigslist Valentines Day (in Harrisburg)!!!!

I just started weekly theorapy. Need to talk to someone about it... - m4w

Crazy : Have paperwork to prove it.
So last December I started weekly theorapy. I don't feel different or see any changes. My family said they see a change though.
I am just looking fr some who is or was in long term theorapy about expected results or their experiences.
I am thinking of stopping due to the expense and the fact I don't feel different and just wanted some insight from others bout it before I make a rash decision.
Thanks for any insight. 

But Buzzsaw, what the hell does it really mean? Ah, damn good of you to ask hypothetical reader, damn good. As you may have noticed, this is a man deep in theorapy, which upon further googling, took me to a page defining "therapy"! Ha! But he says it three times, it must MEAN something! Yes, yes it does. It means that this poor bastard was not lying when he said "Crazy: Have the paperwork to prove it." And to that end, it makes our friend the last honest man on the internet, which is why he made the cut. Oh, and if you were wondering, of course this is about sex. He is in sex theorapy.

AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR A DOUBLE FEATURE OF EYE SEARING FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man scape - m4m (Harrisburg )

Are you looking for someone to trim or shave your pubes or balls? Message for more details, include pic and age

Virgin - m4w - 20 (Harrisburg)

Hey guys im just looking for any women to take my virginity im tired of being a virgin i just want to to know what it feels like. Im 20 years old and in the surburban harrisburg area please email me with the subject virgin and a pic so i know which is real and not a scam. PleAse somebody im tired of me being the only one out of my friends thats a virgin. Pic for pic in email 

But Buzzsaw, why in the heck did you make me read that shit? What the hell? To that I respond that it was your choice to read about Ball Shaver and the lonely virgin. And my reason for featuring them together? Perhaps if they could meet, the virgin could get his balls shaved and thus greatly increase his chances of sticking his wang inside another human. Which of course is the end game really. Which is fucking weird if you think about it. Damn we spend a lot of time, in fact most our time just so we can writhe with other humans and make bizarre faces when you shoot various bodily fluids at our co-conspirator. So I digress, but it was a fun feature nonetheless if I do say so myself!

AND NOW! WHAT I AM PRETTY SURE IS SEXUAL (JUST KIDDING OF COURSE IT IS!)!!!

Medical services - m4m - 45 (Chambersburg)

age : 45
New to the area and in need of a male family doctor that can give a thorough medical exam. By this I mean a doctor that can take the time to really examine his patients (i.e., prostate check, hernia, etc). If you know someone, please send me the information.
I am also looking for a dentist. 

"I'm writing you a prescription for my whole hand up your ass!"

But Buzzsaw, why is this confusing? The man is looking for a "doctor" to jam things up his ass and cup his balls while he coughs, so why would is not be sexual? Well now, aren't you discerning! And that is exactly what I was thinking at first glance. Until the very end. That's right. The dentist. Now we all know that there is a turn on for everyone, from leopard print to being a victim of armed robbery, everything makes somebody ooze goo from there crotch. But dentistry? Nope. Not one person could possibly be turned on by it. So here we are, at a delightful impasse.

AND NOW FOR OUR GRAND FINALE! LET ME CALL YOUR ATTENTION TO........

male lookin for girl(s) to lift - m4w - 55 (carlisle)

age : 55
male wants woman/women to lift no one over 150 apply. circus is coming to town and i am trying to get in as a circus strongman. but need woman/women to lift and carry. pays 30 dollars for about 25minutes of allowing me to lift and hold u. Various lifts. please send weight and picture. More info to follow if i get applicants. no clothes off, prefer woman to wear jeans or shorts since overhead lift would pull your blouse out of your pants prefer u wear blouse over pants.

Our friend, in his youth.

But Buzzsaw, what in the HELL do you have to say about a 55 year old man from Carlisle PA who is trying to act out fantasies about being an olde timey strongman? We both know damn well that there is not a circus coming to town, and if there were, what is his plan? To pop out of a hedge bearing his buxom beauties? Would they hire him? Fuck! To which I respond, nothing. I have nothing to say.

So there you have it, a Harrisburg Craigslist Valentines for the ages!

Love Buzzard

Prison Chi Chi 2!

Prison Chi Chi

Don't Question Your MOM!!!! The Buzzsaw Mommy Blog!!!

HEEEEEY!!!!!!! XOXO Missed you yesterday! MWAH!!!!! Anyway, this is mommy blog time and I realized I should introduce myself! My name is Trinity Diamond and this blog "belongs" to my idiot asshole ex "Buzzsaw"! he is such a jerk! Good thing he's dumb as a scorched turd and addicted to every drug! What happened was he got drunk and showed back up at my trailer looking for a piece of my sweet potato pie (SEX PEOPLE!) and after he "performed" for five of the dullest minutes of my existence, he passed the hell out! So I logged on here and changed his passwords! LOSER!!!!! But that is just business, let's get down to it girls! First off, I have been DYING to post a pic of the new ink I got with Onyx (MY SWEET, NEWLY EMANCIPATED 16 year old!!!!), OK, so I was also dying to say that! LOVE YOU BABY!!! Here is my sexy ass ink!

I am so taking Adyn and Kadyn to the gathering of the Juggalos this year!!!!

Alright, so back to my girl! The reason I didn't mommy blog yesterday was because we were all having a sexy time with Jello shots and we went to the court house and I signed the papers to emancipate Onyx! Yeah, I know, stupid move right? It hella cuts into the welfare I can get, but at the same time, I have an agreement with O that if she gets rich guy preggers (she is a hotty with a botty!!!) she will give me a cut! Right now she is really working on her doctor boyfriend to pay for a boob job! YOU GO GIRL! So that is basically it! What did I get my baby girl besides emancipation? Oh, just a WHOLE DRAWERFUL of Hello Kitty thongs!!! It goes awesome with the "schoolgirl" look she has been rocking lately! Turns out doctors are super into it! OK, enough about that, the twins have been more than a handful today, and I am thinking that it may have something to do with the Ritalin prescription I just got! I picked it up yesterday and today, only 15 hours later its half gone! Kadyn and Adyn are such little shits! Seriously, last night they were fighting over whether or not to watch Hardcore Pawn or Pawn Stars! If I weren't already drunk I would have beat the shit out of them! Luckily they usually end up just beating the shit out of each othheer. But really, they were all yelling and I'm like, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND GO THROW DONUTS AT CARS OR SOMETHING! And they were all, OH SHIT! THERE ARE TOTALLY A SHITLOAD OF FOODBANK DONUTS IN THE CLOSET! THANKS MOM! And off they went! God! It was so fucking nice when they left! Of course the little assholes stole my pack of smokes and I had to get Religious Larry from trailer 27 to drive me to Snuffy's and get more. It was fine but that fucking guy will use any excuse at all to TALK ABOUT THE FATE OF MY ETERNAL SOUL! Fuck! At least he smokes a lot so he has to shut up when he inhales! Fuck my fucking brain! Well enough about me! We had a BUNCH of questions from readers and I promised I would get to all of them! So without anymore fanfare!

IT'S MOMMY ANSWERS QUESTIONS TIME!!!!!!

what advice wld u five a mother of two children ages 2 and 5 who refuse to take naps during the day?
Charlene in Port Angeles

Thanks for asking girl! MWAH! Are you ready for it? I don't think so! Because I think I am probably one of the only mommies who will shoot straight and tell you to chloroform the little fuckers right to sleep! It works like a charm! One minute they are insisting on watching Puppies In Space for the hundredth time, next minute, rag over the nose and off to bed! It is so easy its crazy! And the ASSHOLES in the "INDUSTRY" will tell you things like "oh, it's so bad to chloroform your kids to sleep" and "ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE!" But have those fucking people WATCHED Puppies IN Space? IT BLOWS! I do too, really well actually, but that is a different story for a different mommy blog NEXT QUESTION!!!
Love The former Missus Buzzsaw (that guy is SUCH a DOUCHE!!!!) 

Dear Missus Ex Buzzsaw, Can a baby nurse off of anything with nipples? Can you discourse on inter-special wet nursing? 
Jessica in Seattle

OH GIRL! I am so glad you asked THE BIG QUESTION! And short answer? OH HELL YES! You know, I found out early on when Onyx was a little baby. To cut right to the chase, my little girl (WHO IS ALL EMANCIPATED NOW!!!!XOXO!!!!!) was conceived in the break room at The Poodle Dog Lounge in Tukwilla WA! I was a party party party machine (I was banging some guy, I can't really remember who but he had a sweet ass 8 Ball jacket)!!!! So the point is, after 9 months not drinking, I had some serious making up to do! because of that, when sh wanted to nurse I had so much booze in my tits that she had to nurse from Sadie my pit/lab mix, who luckily had just had a litter! So yes to question one (it is not very succesful with males nipples), and HELL YES to question two! NEXT QUESTION!!!!! XOXO
Love Buzzsaw's ex better half!

ONYX IT'S YOUR DAD!!!!

Temper tantrums in public places.
Ginni in Richland

Hey girl, is that a question? I don't see any question mark! OK, JK LOL! I know what you mean, and here is the answer! You WILL NOT stop this train. If one of my kids acts out in public, I'm out. Just last week Kadyn freaked the hell out in Walmart over some tee shirt of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson that I wasn't ABOUT to fuckin' buy him. So I left him crying and yelling and went and bought Adyn a meat ball sub. After about 15 minutes Kadyn finally shut the hell up and came to find us. I would have left his ass to walk or whatever (it's like 14 miles from the trailer court so he might have had to hitchhike or some shit). Anyway, this little powder keg don't have time to wait for whiny little bastards anyway. XOXOXO
Love Missus Ex-Buzzsaw

What is the best way to tell a guy you aren't interested in having kids? (sort of a dating question but still kid related). Onyx might need some advice on this since she's a busy little tramp, lol!!!
Jennifer in LA

OH HEY GIRL!!!! So you are one of THOSE PEOPLE huh? I could never understand it! What with all the money I make from welfare and child support it's a fucking dream life! I am not joking when I tell you I spend 75% of my time in the casino! It is AWESOME! And also I have such funny stories about my babies! Like the time Adyn stole a wallet from a guy I was fucking, spent the money on a potato gun, then stuffed dog shit in the wallet and left it on the corner and hid in the bushes watching people pick it up! He said it was funny as fuck! Personally I think it was rather clever, given the fact he was only 8 years old! So, seriously, what the hell is your asshole problem? As for Onyx, she is going to get doctor pregnant ASAP!!!
Love, Missus Ex B.

I already have a bearded dragon and a cat. Which one should I treat a baby more like?
Chris in Pittsburg

Oh Hey girl! I have a bearded clam and a pussie, and show them an equal amount of love! I think you should do the same you cad!
Love The one and only ex missus B

Um, yeah. Why do the women hold all the power?
Steve in Kirkland

Oh you know it! Because we are the best! Anymore silly questions? yeah, that's right, time for you to sit through another viewing of Barby Fairy Secret and suck it the hell up! Oh and buy your wife some jewelry or you ain't gettin' a damn thing!
Love, a higher power. A woman. 

MOM.COM!!! The Buzzsaw Mommy Blog!

I wanted to start this post with a picture that my eldest Onyx sent me of the updo she is about to get! The doctor she is on a date with said he would pay! For a 15 year old she is a good little gold digger already! Mommy (Buzzsaw) taught you well!

I think this will look *super* cute! LOL!

OK, now that I super supported my daughter I want to take a few minutes to talk serious about some of the haters who are saying my blog is slutlike and promotes promiscuity. Normally I wouldn't think twice to slap a ho' but I imagine that the bitch who complained is just another bridezilla in a sexless marriage yearning for a bit of hanky panky! Anyway, what matters is that I love my kids no matter what! No matter what! which brings us to the topic at hand: MY BOOOOOOOYS!!!!

This is what they will probably look like when  they are older!

If you were stupid enough not to read about me on my first mommy blog, then you may not know about my two twins, Kaydyn and Adyn. They are twelve and just had to redo 6th grade because their son of a bitch principle said they "lacked sufficient social/academic skills" whatever that means. Anyway, the man is an ASS! He has a comb over and wears a fanny pack for crying out loud! He also had the nerve to tell me that my skirt was too short and the fishnet stocking were "inapropriate" for a class field trip to the morgue! The reason they took the boys to the morgue was to "scare them straight" whatever that means. Of course, Kadyn and Adyn had fun stuffing their fortunes from our dim sum lunch up the nose of a man who had a viagra caused heart attack! Talk about a "stiff"!!! Well after that I had just about enough of that terrible man and when Adyn asked if we could go get a Ouija board to see if we could summon any of the spirits I gladly obliged. When we got home I smoked a bunch of cigarettes and combed out their rat tails while they worked on contacting the spirit world. Here is their HILARIOUS dialogue:

Kadyn: How the fuck does this fucking piece of shit even work? Its just a fucking pointer and an alphabet on another piece of wood, what a jizz soaked nightmare!

Adyn: You fucking TWAT! Don't you fucking even know how to read? The fucking hands of the evil one will guide your pointer as the words of the dead are passed on to the enlightened. God, you are such a fucking dunce.

Kadyn: Jesus you prick! MOM! Give me a drag! That little fucker is hurting my feelings again! (He takes a deep drag from my Virginia Slim) SHIT MOM! I hate when you get lipstick all over your smokes! It's SICK!

Adyn: Hey dumbass, why don't you steal your own fucking smokes if you hate it so much. BITCH ASS DILDO HOLSTER!

[crash! now it's a rumble! with rat tails flying the twins square off! with raised fists our two pugilists are ready for anything! bam. Adyn lands a strong right cross, but Kadyn counters with a kick to the knee and a swing of a high heel that Onyx left out in the living room! if you were only here we could get a nice little pool going. the boys are almost equal in strength, though Adyn has the larger brain. anyway, that was pretty much it]

Well, that's all for now, just wanted to update you! Love Mr Mommy!

Mom Is The Bomb! The Buzzsaw Mommy Blog!

For many of my readers it may come as quite a shock that I decided to turn The Buzzsaw Report into a mommy blog, but I have my reasons and shame on you for questioning me! Tsk tsk! Actually, full disclosure, the main reason I decided to do it was because Mommy blogs are really popular with female readers. Actually that is the only reason. Anyway, let me tell you about my latest creation!

One of the many aspects of mommy blogging is arts and crafts. So I have been working like a madman (woman) on all kinds of themed macrame! Here are just a few examples!

This one almost ended in CATastrophe!

I sold the whole KITTEN caboodle on my Etsy site!

I copied this one from a CATalog!

Not like I get to do that stuff all the time, what with looking after my twins, Kadyn and Adyn! Of course Onyx, my eldest is very independent at 15, in fact I just took her in to Mr Nasty's Tatoo Emporium and she got a rocking little tramp stamp! It is super sexy and I happily signed the parental consent. Of course since I have been prescribed Xanax for my anxiety disorder I have really started to go with the flow! For the most part my parental philosophy has been to simply let kids be kids! That's why I wasn't super worried when Kadyn got suspended from 7th grade for throwing clay at a teachers window! From what he says she is a major bitch and had it coming! In my opinion, she actually got lucky! Kadyn is a cunning little fucker, so if he really wanted to he could probably destroy you computer wise! See, I bought all my kids all the latest stuff at a young age and now they are hella computer literate! Actually Onyx has been getting a lot of dates through Zoosk and Plenty Of Fish, which is super good for her! She is super into older men, so the online dating thing is WAY better! Actually she just walked in to my study and said she is going to a musical WITH A DOCTOR!!!! SQUUEEEEEEEE!!!! He's a TOTAL hardbody! Anyway, one of these days we will have to go on a double date, but I would hate to cramp her style! OK, enough about the kids! Back to me! This week I have a mani/pedi and a meeting with my probation officer! He's super hot too actually, so maybe I will see if he wants to go out with Onyx and I if that scrumptious doctor asks her out a second time! OK, now I am really done and it's time for reader questions!!!!!

Dear Mr Mom, my 23 year old son has just told me that he loves Twilight and wants to be a vampire, what should I do? Lori in Pennsyltucky

Dear Lori, that is so cute! Your young one just might be the smartest boy around! You see The Twilight Saga is very very popular with the female crowd! He has just landed himself a great conversation starter with women of all ages! AND I MEAN ALL! Anyway, my suggestion is that he get some fang marks tatted on his neck so he can really play up the vampire bit! He is looking to be slammed with all kinds of trim in no time! So you tell your lil' Nesferatu to keep his head up and his pockets full of rubbers! I see a bright (just kidding, *sunlight* LOL) future for this young man! Watch out ladies, Cullen coming through!
Love, Mr Mommy

Dear Mr Mommy, My fifteen year old just told me that he hates his name and wants to change it! What should I do? Judy, in Carolina

Dear Judy, first of all, tell him hell yes! But of course there are limits! Under no circumstances should you allow him to change it to Penis Smith or Constipation Williams. Those two names are terrible and strictly OFF LIMITS! lol/JK! He should actually feel free as a bird when changing his name (which of course you should let him do), so tell him to write all his ideas on pieces of paper and put them in a hat. The only rule is that you are the one who gets to pick. This will secure your status of matron! HAHAHA! Gotcha again! If it were me I would just get everybody drunk, let my kid choose his name, then take a cab to the courthouse and get 'er done! LOL! You are super funny Judy! Who even asks a question like this? A nerd? Anyway, I hear the Pizza delivery guy, so since the boys are playing video games and Onyx is out, I think I may invite him in so I can "inspect his peperoni"!! LOL! Gotta go! Mr Mommy

Demon Baby in a board!

The truth behind reality tv!

What I do to entertain myself at my shitty job!

In my current position as a slave in a sheet metal shop, I have ample opportunity to spend hours doing repetitive work. Often in the course of my day co-workers will ask me if I am bored yet. Nope! After spending 6 months on a hellish bok choi farm in South Australia (17 hour days, 7 days a week for months, all while being screamed at for minor infractions) I can take a trip in my mind damn near anywhere. So while I am bending several thousand pipe clamps, or spot welding 500 electrical boxes, I just get comfortable and let my mind rip. Often it goes directly to butts and boobs, do not pass go. This of course is great, yet there are certain times where it is not OK to walk around with a raging hard on, and work is one of those, so there are other things I do. Lately I have been imagining the most boring guy in the shop transforming into a wild ass pimp in his off time. During breaks I have been sharing our exploits with the rest of the workers.

First off, the man is named Tolly. Tolly. Have you ever heard of this name? I keep wanting to ask him what it is short for (Toliver? Toll? Tollian?). Secondly, though he has a short pony tale,  the guy is far from wild. In fact he sort of seems like he is dosed up on sedatives all damn day. I have honestly never seen him do anything fast at all. Perhaps that is why I like to imagine him turning into a complete maniac at night.

He looks slightly more entertaining than this guy, but trust me, he is not.

One thing I like to do is take exploits of say John Bonham and accredit Tolly with executing them. So far I have told my coworkers that Tolly and I did tons of coke and at the hotel party Tolly took a shit in one of the strippers shoes. Next chance I get I will let them know that he drove a Cadillac into the hotel pool. Another story is one I heard from a friend of a person who knew a person who worked on a movie with Sylvester Stalone. Allegedly, this person was walking past Stalone's trailer and heard him say: "Cuddle the balls. Cuddle the balls!"

 Of course I have my own inventions too. In my mind Tolly only wears pin striped suits and uses a cane. He is also quite fond of referring to his genitalia as "giblets"! I am wholly unsure where I came up with that term, but I like it for Tolly. So far the image I have created of him has been a misogynist yet as I write this I think I may turn him into a better person. perhaps beating a dudes ass who was being rude to his own woman. Of course the story would end with me and Tolly doing an 8 ball of coke off of her and several other womens asses, but that is why we are so bad ass me and Tolly. In fact, you may no know, but last Friday we decided to go to Atlantic City. Tolly and I. Of course our purposes were lecherous.

As you may know, I am a celebrity look-alike. What you may not know, is that Tolly is an expert card counter. So without any actual credentials, we managed to bluff our way in to the high stakes poker game! It was insane! I acted as the rube, while Tolly cleaned house. At the end of the night Tolly and I left with a $85,000 a Russian model, and the wife of one of the guys at the table. It was a hell of a night. We also hung out Saturday, during which time we stole a tiger from the Brooklyn Zoo which we brought back to Tolly's. Anyway, that is what I do during the work day. I find myself laughing a lot. 

Powder horn rd

The life and times of Lewis "Sharky" Buttz

Craigslist Quickie: ARE YOU CHRISTIAN AND SEXY????

As I am extremely busy, what with wanting to go swimming and having recently written an e-mail, what little I give you today will have to suffice. But I think the gem I found on Craigslist Harrisburg's Strictly Platonic should tickle your funny bone/and or, I want a creepy new boyfriend from Florida bone...Without further ado:

Are you christian and sexy? - m4w (South Florida)

Hello to all the beautiful ladies in Pennsylvania.

+=+= PLEASE READ BEFORE REPLYING =+=+

I will be moving to PA from FL some time in July or August. I know it will be lonely when I get there, so it would be nice

to find a few nice christian ladies for friendship. Since friends make the best lovers, I want to focus on our friendship first.

I love hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc., and I BELIEVE IN ONE RELATIONSHIP AT A TIME.

I'm a christian man with great family values looking for a christian woman with great family values as well.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHERE YOU'RE FROM OR YOUR ETHNIC BACKGROUND. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR AGE EITHER AS LONG AS YOU'RE 21 OR MORE.

PLEASE DON'T WRITE ME ASKING TO SEND PICTURES. I WOULD PREFER THIS TO BE A SURPRISE FOR BOTH OF US IF WE DECIDE TO MEET.

BESIDES, THERE ARE TOO MANY SCAMS GOING ON HERE WHERE PEOPLE ARE COLLECTING NAMES, AGE, PICTURES, ETC.

IF YOU'RE NOT OKAY WITH THIS, THEN YOU DON'T NEED TO WRITE.

I look forward to being with one of you sexy ladies. Email me so we can get our friendship started.

Take care of yourself, and may God bless you.

+=+= THANKS FOR READING MY AD =+=+ 

For fun, why don't we play the game where you post comments about this for me to read. I'm going swimming!!!!!!

Naked Podcast 3

The worst lie ever!

Scouting For Boys!

Bible Believing Beach Bodies!

One legged Dan.

How to steal from dead guys and impress women!

Being a man who is prone to obsessions, there are certain things I have spent many years thinking about. Burritos, and Jimmy Buffett are two of those things.

A life without passion is meaningless!

Really, the whole Centaur culture is fascinating!

Thus it should really come as no surprise that I have been thinking about stealing from dead people to impress women for 15 years at least. Probably the impetus of this thought was when I noticed that when a couple are in a relationship, it seems like one or the other was always "getting in trouble" for some stupid ass bullshit nobody would care about if they were single. Such as noticing a haircut, or remembering a 6 month dating "anniversary" (which are actually not possible you fucking dolts!)!!!!

Somehow I really started thinking about how women like flowers and most men think they are generally useless. I thought about it a lot. Finally I came to the conclusion that if flowers are what it takes to make a woman happy, then hell, it's easy so do it! But then reality kicked in. Fuck. Flowers are expensive, it would be much better to get them for free, but where? Of course being a bad boy, I figured you could go around at night and clip them from other peoples yards and parks. It would be free and they would be fresh. But on the other hand, it was a finite supply. You can't just keep stealing flowers out of parks willy nilly or you risk turning into a 1960's era Batman villain (The De-Florist?)!!! Plus people plant flowers in their yard to spruce the place up! It looks nice! You don't want to steal from the park too much because it ruins it for everybody. Anyway, I needed another solution I needed to take free flowers from a source that wouldn't miss them at all. Dead guys.

What do flowers have to do with dead guys you ask? Everything. Dead guys are the best free source of flowers you could get, it's a steady supply, and honestly you are taking better care of their legacy if you go to the source to get them. That's right, I am talking about taking flowers from dead guys grave sites and giving them to your girlfriend or wife. And I am telling you, this scheme is win-win!

To begin with let me go with what I know. Most dudes are not super into getting flowers for gifts. In fact never in my life have a met a man who was excited about flowers he got, or sad because he never got flowers. It just is not a thing. I can't speak for the male gays, they probably like flowers, but that probably is offset by the minority group of women who don't get excited about flowers. Trust me on this! Guys don't like flowers when they are alive, and they sure as fuck don't care about them when they are dead!

So let's bring it together. If you need flowers in a pinch, the best solution is to swing by a cemetery! Take a stroll through the headstones as if you are looking for a certain grave site. Keep your head down and walk slow so you look sad. What you are really looking for is fresh flowers. So when you see what looks like a fresh bunch, check and see if was a man or a woman. If it was a man, see if he went by his full name (Stephen, Patrick, or Jonathan etc.), see if he were married and had kids. If he seems heterosexual enough, look around to see if the family is in the immediate vicinity. If not, kneel as if you are praying for the dead guy. Then when nobody is looking pick those suckers up! Dead guy won't care and most likely the family won't be back the next day. So get on home to the woman and spend the money you saved on wine! It's obviously the best way to do things. Probably I would not tell the girlfriend or wife either because women seem to find things like this offensive on several levels. Personally I find wasting money offensive, so I can rationalize it that way. The End!

Notes: If you try this, please let me know how it works out. So far this is only a damn good theory, but I want my readers to know that I am only writing this stuff for them! Hope you found this helpful! Love Buzz!