Sunday, March 20, 2011

Anyone else a virgin? I am...

Actor Charlie Sheen is bringing his "Torpedo of Truth" tour to Seattle this spring. I failed to buy tickets, but I have managed to cobble together my own "Torpedo of Truth" using my computer, craigslist, and the tiger blood that pumps freely through my veigns (who do you think Sheen goes to when he needs a transfusion). Here are just a few of the posts I found revealing, and mind you I only looked at about 15. What I found was that in Seattle people are fairly moronic. Please enjoy the following:

Note: Due to the weird formatting and prolific spelling errors, yours truly has decided not to attempt a spellcheck, any mistakes are part of my intent. That's right, you are wrong!

Anyone else a virgin? I am... - m4w - 26 (Seattle)

Date: 2011-03-20, 3:48PM PDT
Hope you've had a good start to Spring! My name is Josh.... I want to thank you for reading my cl post!

I was wondering the reasons why some people why to have sex and others don't. I have waited due in large part to my faith and not finding the one. If you dont mind can you tell me a few reasons that you have waited or will wait again. 
Hope to hear back from you and what your thoughts are on the question I asked.


Dear Josh, those of us who grew up in church youth groups refer to people like you as "bible pimps." I am sure you are prodigous at giving back rubs and will always listen to vulnerable girls. From your post it is clear you are not a virgin. Nobody who is actually a virgin would try to start a "discussion" about the topic, especially on craigslist. The fact is, you know that you can find some girl somewhere who got passed over at the dance, and you know that it will make easy pickin's for your sleazy ways. the reason you are single Josh is because you are a spineless idiot who portay's himself as a "sensitive guy" in order to get easy sex. Yes thats right, you lost your virginity at church camp in 8th grade. It was most likely on the baptism night when everyone got emotional and you put the "what if it's the end of the world" question out there and the deacons daughter ate that shit up. Moron. Anyway, I am sure that your life will be awful, given your lack of creativity and your general laziness. You used to get away with being cute, but you are too stupid to realize that playing Wii will not actually help you stay fit. I hope she dupes you and you end up with an STD so horrid it has no name. Thank you for making my town look terrible. Buzzsaw

Know How To French Braid? Wanna Teach Me?? - w4mw (West Seattle)
Well Im am a fellow citizen that's looking to learn how to braid. I have always wanted to learn but never had the time to. I know there's probably lots of videos and websites on the web explaining how to but I am so much better with people lol. Um get back at me if you think you could help me out with this.

Dear "Fellow citizen"I have seen your post before. I am wondering just what you mean by "French braid" it seems to me that if you had to keep this post up for 3 months that there is something fishy about you. I respect your perverted creativity, maybe you have a braiding fetish. Maybe you are insane. Citizen, you intrigue me. I do in fact know how to french braid, and I have finally emailed you. Buzzsaw

be my friend im cool - m4w - 26 (seattle)
like to drink like to smoke and want a friend that is laid back. hit me up

Dear Mr Cool. The days of the Marlboro man are long past. Did you know that it is no longer "cool" in Seattle to smoke? It's actually illegal unless you are 20 feet outside a building. In the pissing Seattle rain you want to find a laid back friend to stand around with you? Please my good man, join a citizens action group. Buy a Prius. Go green dipshit! That is what is "cool" in Seattle. Have a great life, and consider moving to Reno. Buzzsaw.

frappuccino update - m4w - 45 (tacoma)
I had 6 yesterday, can you guess how many I've had today and what flavors?

Dear Frappucino Fred, either you are the biggest idiot I have ever met or the biggest genius. Buzzsaw PS- I am aware I have never met you.
     wanna fight? - m4m - 37 (Seattle)

Date: 2011-03-20, 10:00AM PDT
   great day to go fight outside (or inside) - looking for some ruff fun with a buddy - fight over a football maybe - no trips to the ER or police - just some buds playing ruff - athletic guy here - u should b 2
Dear kind sir, why don't you join a boxing gym? Buzzsaw
Dashing Handyman here to help you - m4w - 44 (Yelm)
              Dashing Handyman here to help you. Perhaps you need mechanical assistance wand don't know where to go. Maybe your outdoor power equipment needith your car and don't know where to go. Maybe your outdoor equipment needs work before spring arrives? Possibly you have a home improvement task that needs done like a faucet, toilet or dishwaser repaired. Maybe you just need some honest advice before you take on a project. Whatever the task I am here to help you. All I ask for in return is that you respect my time and maybe offer me a home cooked meal. Please be local to the south sound area. I have some free time so lets get those projects started!
To a Dashing Handyman, I have been to Yelm. I did not see anyone I would consider "Dashing" but perhaps you were an import. It seems you have made enough money to work for food. Clearly you are a pervert. I hope her husband comes home for a forgotten sack lunch while you are getting "handy" love Buzzsaw PS-I am pretty handy and if you get too many responses to attend to, I am also a huge pervert.
Who wants to txt a thick, blk, curvy chick? Latino? Pic4pic - w4m - 24
Hello everyone.. Im just looking for a txt buddy. Just some nice clean convo. If your interested send a pic and lets see where things go:)
Dear thick/curvy, are you black or Latino? Also since "latino" means masculine, does this mean you are a male? A transvestite? Text me later and tell me all about it! Buzzy

1 comment:

  1. I'm married. Lol obviously, I'm no virgin...