Sunday, February 13, 2011

Any attractive, Christian women, who aren't alchoholics?

In a desperate attempt to pretend to work, I have been surfing Craigslist for the past couple of hours. I decided to do a Valentine's Day special. So if you are still single this is a must read. This posting is so alluring that it is sure to be successful. From the opening headline to the powerful ending, our author is pulling out all the stops. Read and enjoy:

·         Any good looking Christian women who aren't alchoholics?! A Valentine! - 26 (Sacramento)

·         Date: 2011-02-13, 2:27PM
      I am an honest good guy. I have a job. I don't need to get hammered every night to have fun. I'm just looking for a girl who shares the same qualities. I come from a good family. I treat people with respect. I have a car. I'm athletic. I don't hook up with every girl I meet. I'm not a drug addict. If you are a decent girl who is looking for a good guy maybe we can chat. Please reply with "It's a good day" is your subject line. I'm not a creep and I'm not looking for a sexual encounter. Prefferably an attractice girl with some self respect who keeps her clothes on until she really knows a guy. Who knows.. maybe we will hit it off before Valentines day. P.S.. I will reply with some more real pictures if you do. I am not unattractive by any means. I'll let you be the judge of that. Just am kind of hesitant to post pictures of myself on here. Reply with a pic and I'll return the favor! Obviously, this posting starts out really specific. He is looking for attractive Christian women who are NOT, I repeat, NOT alcoholics! It makes sense because as soon as someone who falls into that demographic reads it, they are sure to respond. In his opening sentence he says "I am an honest good guy" I like that. I don't doubt it. I am sure the last booze-hound Episcopalian he dated walked all over him for it. In my heart of hearts I want this man to find true love. He strikes me as a truly wonderful man. Why do I think this? Because he has a job. Not only that he doesn't get rip roaring drunk every night! Probably every other, but not EVERY night! This is a man who cares about his family. AND OWNS A CAR! LADIES, START FORMING AN ORDERLY LINE! This guy is a saint! He is up front and honest about the fact that he doesn't sleep around too much! Not only that, if you are "attractice" and have enough self respect to keep your clothes on when you meet this hunk, you might get a second date. I am sure he has this policy because of the drunken hordes of ladies who have molested him after bible study or choir practice. This poor guy just wants someone special. He is NOT going to sleep with you. Even if in an inebriated state you read him your favorite bible passage. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! All he wants is for you to keep your clothes on. Get to know him. Put the liquor down. Maybe after church, when you sober up, he might take your top off. Probably not, but there is a chance. I know he wants to give you time to get to know him. He posted it today, he is hoping to find someone who clicks before Valentines day, which is tomorrow. In that time all potential candidates are required to put down the Fireball, pick up the bible, keep your clothes on and get to know this guy. Tomorrow, he will do you the honor of ravishing you after taking you out to Applebee's. It's your choice, you know what he wants. I will tell you this though, if you are a whiskey swilling Methodist who just wants to be a pole dancer for a living, you better stay the hell away. This man is a keeper.


  1. wow, i better hurry up and respond before someone else gets this guy before i do!

  2. "...put down the fireball, pick up the bottle!"


    IDK, he sounds gay to me. =)