The art world was rocked today when the Florence Arts Commission announced that it would be going ahead with it plan to “update” its most famous figure by carving the face anew. The statue will soon be graced by the vampiric visage of Twilights Robert Pattinson. The announcement came as a surprise, though there have been rumors about it since the hiring of Larenzo “Lori” Fontana as the FAC director last June.
In the press conference this morning Fontana elaborated on the historic move. “In these day and time we needing to think about the futures. The numbers are so low that I think many young people would rather die than go around looking at these old stuffs. To be honest I think that we need to do something special so that we can bring people in to looking at this things in the next 400 years. This man Robert Pattinson, you know, the R-Patz. He is the sexy. He can make the women swoon so good. So I know that this David, he is too boring. I have to look at him and I am immediately boring to tears. Honestly, most the time I am looking at him I am updating my Twitter. So we have needing to put the R-Patz to bring up the sexy.”
When an angry reporter (who was lucky he was let out of his retirement community) tried to pick a fight with Fontana for “ruining priceless art” the director flashed a winning smile. “You asking is priceless? OK so now it become better. Twilight Saga and Robert Pattinson is priceless. Try to interesting young people in this stuffs without so sexy. Impossible!” Obviously Fontana had already asked himself that question!
So despite protests and hate mail, the statue will be taken down from its pedestal next Monday and brought to the studio of Mario Pena who will begin work on the face. The sculptor spent a day studying the face of the actor and it is reported that he is getting paid $20 million for lending his look to the piece! The project is due to be completed by summer and the finished work is highly anticipated.
Interestingly, Fontana hinted that he was working with the Louvre on a special project, and I can only hope that rumors about painting Rob’s co-star Kristen Stewart on the Mona Lisa are true! Now that would truly be sexy!