Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Doctor is in...

November 2nd. I voted. So there, I did my part. It feels pretty sexy, sliding that ballot into the box. Knowing the futility of the process at times. I do feel I did my part by voting the state out of the liquor business. I want handy access, the government has terrible hours for booze buyin'. Now the task at hand tonight is painting. Not panting as I am sure at 45% of my readers assume.  The screaming women are real. I also wait to hear hysterical laughing. Both are signs of a twidentification in process. But the women are generally married, too young, or smart enough to steer clear of renegades with little regard for the law or generally accepted retail practices.

Yes, people scream at me alot. I don't scream at people, but hell I might start...Of all the things I have heard screamed, and all the people I am conflicted about is the redneck boys of Forks. Queer. Faggot. Gay Ass Edward. Douche Bag. I was in the town for 3 months and was screamed sat at least 5 times a week. And these few things were all I heard. People joke about the "gene puddle" in Forks. When I say "people" what I mean is myself and anyone I have told this to. Its depressing when you have all day to think of something to scream at the new guy and all you can think of is queer.

What about "q-ball?" Is it so difficult? Can I get an amen for "Candy-Ass Bitch?" It is in your face and cool sounding. I shed a tear for the lack of creativity among the young men of Forks. In a small town, insulting the new guy is fine, especially if he looks like a transvestite vampire who is too much of a putz to drop out of high school. If I were from Forks I would have done it too. My only hope is that I would have at least done something dramatic, like letting the air out of "Edward's" tires. So I forgive them. who cares anyway. Now the fact that I know who they are and can get their phone numbers if I want is of no concern of yours. That the good Dr is driving through Modesto CA home of gay club The Brave Bull is not important. And if their numbers are written on the bathroom walls of The Brave Bull why worry. If it happens, I guess it is fate. I hear that The Brave Bull has a great dance floor too! Ah, the road, I am almost too excited to send hate mail to the creators of the snuggie over a delayed order. Wait no, I am wide awake. Dr Hunter S. Twilight

PS- To all the guys in Forks: No I won't submit to a paternity test. You can just raise the kid. See ya.