Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The questions keep coming!

Dear Mr Barnes, We have become aware that you are using the term “Twidentified.” In doing so you are compromising the integrity of our firm and our products. As the producers of the Twilight saga we feel that it is vital to ask you to cease and desist from use of this word. Though we do not own this word itself we own the prefix “twi” and all words containing this prefix.  We want you to realize how serious we are so the following are an actual list of other groups and organizations we have filed similar actions against: Twimoms of Kentucky (multi million dollar settlement in our favor), twilovers of Asia (cease and desist as well as flogging of founders Yee Lin and Sue Young), and the MidWest Twi-teens Special Olympics fundraising club (multi-million dollar settlement and published letter of apology). In short we mean business and do not intend to let your little song and dance routine go unpunished. If you intend to continue in your impudent ways, rest assured you will have lawyers all over you like Asians at Disneyland. If you know what is good for you get out before we kill you.
Best regards, Al Goldstein VP Summit Entertainment CO

Dear Al, I have deleted my facebook account and taken my website offline, what else do I need to do? Best Regards, Buzzsaw
Darling Buzzard, I really like this nickname, do you mind if I use it? I found you via the internet and I am very glad I did. You see I am a wealthy woman and I am interested in collaborating with you. In particular I would like to make a mask with your face on it. You might be aware that there is nowhere to buy an “Edward” mask and if we make one of your face it will be the next best thing. I am sure it would not sell much in the US but since Asians love Twilight I think that we could do well in that market. It turns out that Asian men even like to read Twilight! Perhaps that is because of the language barrier. Anyway, hey, let’s make a mask with your face. Also I want you to copyright your face as well. It would be very good business. Ta ta, Silvia
Dear Silvia, that is really weird. If you have the money I’ve got the time. At the same time, I am having trouble understanding how I would copyright my face, but if it makes sense to you it makes sense to me. Also if you have this much money why don’t you go to and buy some pictures, I could really use the money! Love always Buzzard

Hi. I am in love with you. And not because of your looks. That does come into play though. Actually I am in love with you because of your role in the Twilight Saga. Signed Dee Dee in Fiji
Dear Dee Dee, thanks, did you like my work? I really appreciate it. If you want to give me a call, I will e-mail you my number. Call  me anytime, seriously. Ian Barnes
Dearest Blizzard, did you know that you are soo much sexy man? I attraction everyday with man like this! So much sexxxy is good! You know I from Lebenon! Many girl love you face works, looks so nice/good. Please love me to be you girlfriend? I hope so. If no Maybe suicide. JK Hahahahahaha! Lovely, Marika
Dear Marika, please seek professional help. Best Regards, Blizzard

1 comment:

  1. Yo Yo Ma insures his hands for millions, and J-Lo insures her legs. You can insure your face! :)