Monday, November 1, 2010

The Return of Dr Hunter S. Twilight!

Most people usually would ask what exactly I am returning from. Who cares? As far as I know Forks WA could be the upper reaches of hell. I hear that the women fight like an Israeli special forces brigade out there. Good thing I was second in looks to Shane Jennings, so I did not upset the fruit basket too far. Speaking of fruits though, spending a summer having everybody thinking you are a possibly gay vampire has its benefits. To begin with paying for food is something I virtually forgot how to do. It was all cash, if that. A simple trip to the store could turn into a paying gig. And the whole time this little jackass Lando was following me around with a camera, waiting until a real knockout babe came along so he could crop me out of the photo. Actually I might be getting ahead of myself...And where the HELL is Forks WA? AND WHY GO?!!

The long and the short of it is, a teen vampire romance movie came out, based on a book series, a guy in it looks a lot like me, people think I am him. So life gets weird. And in response I got even more weird than I already was. People start to hide when I come around. They know if I start talking I won't shut up. but not at the start. It took awhile to decide if I wanted to jump in. On principle I hated it. This movie is big with teens. Disgusting. I can't even walk through a grocery aisle without becoming enraged at the bad tabloid $torie$. Nothing of any intere$t. $peculation over the demi$e of hollywood mariage$. $poiler: They were BOTH having affair$! This Twilight had to be the worst. I bough the first book and started reading at the DMV while getting a new licence. It was "interesting."

Imagine me reading these books. The Twilight books. Bosoms heaving. Very little violence. Vivid descriptions of emotions. Disturbing. Curled up in a Japanese robe, wearing a do-rag. Cursing at the editor for missing details. Throwing the books.  But when reading is done, writing begins. Poems, stories, songs. It is like digging for material in a vein so rich that the real choice is what not to use. In fact the parodies are so stale that a simple record of events will suffice.

Like the silver star on the chest of a lawman, the truth is shining. The smelly socks. The sound of your 80 year old Chinese landlord getting his lawnmower from the hall. he does not know you live in your store. He will not find out. He will not rouse me from my slumber. But these are visions of the past. They are creatures of the dark corners. They shall stay behind. New adventure awaits. The winding road. Companions. The south. Hurricane season. I am bound for Baton Rouge, I will take no prisoners!
                                              Sincerely, Dr. Hunter S. Twilight

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