Thursday, November 11, 2010

0 grams of Trans Fat!

I was inspired to say a few words about this subject from a bag of chips that Lando bought in New Mexico. The bag proudly advertised "0 grams trans fat", as if that would make eating chips good for you. I have seen this displayed on a wide variety of completely unhealthy foods in the past, but I forgot about it until now. Did you know that trans fat is not real? McDonalds does not have it. Chips don't have it. Hostess Twinkies don't have it. Are any of these things good for you? Are they low in fat? No. Trans fat is the jackalope of the fat world. It is the Loch Ness monster of healthy eating.

I have asked people who are into health what it is. All they will tell me is that it is "really bad." So now I am supposed to be scared. Currently I am on a mission to try and find something WITH trans fat. What does it even mean? Is it transsexual fat? Will it make me grow breasts? As far as I am concerned I think that I have more chance of getting struck by lightning than I do of buying something which contains this elusive lipid. Not that my chance of heart failure has diminished. Hardly at all. During my search for this chupacabra of health "bad boys" I have been eating everything from entire sticks of butter, to bacon fried in bacon grease, topped with whale blubber. I have eaten everything in the Cookin' with Elvis cookbook. My jowls are hanging low, but still no trans fat.

I must admit that I  have been considering a sex change though, so maybe I have ingested some. Or I could be just under the spell of El Dorado. Either way, if anyone out there can explain what Trans fat is and how come everything that is bad for you does not contain it, I would be happy to know. Not that I will believe you. KFC does not have it. Neither does Chik-a Fils, I don't even think I could find anything at Walmart that has trans fat, so the search goes on. Anyway, I think I am going to eat some deep fried Snickers bars, because I am not worried about them having one gram of trans fat. Oh goody! Health food! The Buzzman


  1. Funny :)
    Stop by The Heart Attack Grill in Chandler, AZ ! Crazy.

  2. My nursing posse says "hydrogenated oil" is your subject's alias. Also, if one serving of a product has 0.5g, the FDA says they can claim "zero" on the package. So all a food company has to do is reduce their serving size until the amount of trans-fat/hydrogenated oil is 0.5g or less and they don't have to list it.