Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Doctor is OUT!

I apologize dear readers for the troubling times on The Buzzsaw Report. I have been away from my desk and the good doctor, Hunter S. Twilight has been "assuming control." Let's put an emphasis in the ASS portion of the word. It turns out certain "views" he has, especially when related to Forks WA, are different than mine, slightly. His tortured, anger fueled ranting has nothing to do with my docile demeanor! I am like a baby kitten!

The problems he has stirred up were assorted and sordid enough for me to cut short my vacation with my two daughters! I love Eliza and Sylvie more than anything in the world, I do NOT like our time cut short! In fact if you want to know we were in Leavenworth WA enjoying the autumn colors! Alas my ex good friend ruined it. Ironically I was going to write a piece called "What I love about Forks!" So the timing is perfecto! Here is what I was going to write:

I would like to start by saying that I like the Bank of America in Forks. I personally think BOA is a stupid bank, but in Forks it rocks! That is, it rocks unless you try depositing money into the ATM! Lando was putting money in one day when we were really hurting, but the machine ate the  money! It took three days to get the whole deposit worked out! Of course I always liked going inside because the staff was really nice. Of course I am pretty sure all ATM's have mechanical problems, so I think it is OK now.

Besides the staff, the BOA hosts the Forks scholarship auction. I was lucky enough to go to this the first weekend I ever went to Forks. They all get together and raise a lot of money for kids to go to college. I saw some amazing wooden carvings and some famous balls! Yes, a woman from Texas mailed her balls to Forks to be sold for the kids! They were all signed too! Nolan Ryan! Can't remember! And "Pete Rose, Hit King!" What makes me really happy is how hard the people of one small community can do when working together.

It seems like they are always doing fundraisers in that town. From bake sales to raffles, they even have Cow Pie Bingo! You buy squares that are marked out in a field, and on the day of the event they let a cow into the pasture and whichever square it craps in is the winner! Simply genius. My friend Don who grew up in Forks (and incidentally is married to the woman who first twidentified me), said they have been doing it forever. Cool!

Towards the end of summer the football players were selling hot dogs in the parking lot of Forks outfitters. I was so poor that it was like winning the lottery getting fitty cent dawgs! What I liked more about it was meeting the players. They were working raising money for the team. Good training for life. They are a small school, so the team really changes depending on the students body. Right now they only have two seniors, but the young players are looking strong! I proudly wear all my Forks Spartans gear trying to give them the props they deserve!

Speaking of Forks Outfitters, I enjoyed going there this summer, though I am afraid I did not spend much money! It is a friendly place with great employees. Some things were a bit expensive for me, but they have to ship things a long way to get to Forks. I imagine that the prices are reflective of fuel. One downside I found is that they do not have WIFI in the store so I could not work at the coffee shop. Oh well, that was Lando's breakfast spot anyway! The store was cool for me because I had so many funny encounters there. I was buying paint when two Texan women ran up on me!

They had seen me pop in and out of Twilight Central real quick and had chased me down across town! They have turned out to be awesome friends! So, even though I did not spend much money there, I think if I ever make enough money to buy some Otter Pops I will! Well, I was trying to write about the awesome things in Forks, and I feel like I have barely gotten started. I am sure I will revisit this topic in the coming days, and rest assured, Dr Hunter S. Twilight will not be back! Well that's all for now, I am going to play World of Warcraft with the girls!
                                                                  Sayonara, Buzzsaw

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