I had a great plan today. It entailed posting a Craigslist ad in Amarillo trying to find cool people to hang out with. It seemed like it would be a worthy adventure. Instead I find myself in Forth Worth, explaining why I did not achieve my other goal. Other goal? Yes, I also intended on writing an account of my adventures in Kumamoto Japan playing country music with Japanese cowboys. So instead of regaling you with stories about civil war rifles, parades, and the castle where the true last samurai battle occurred, I am going to resort to digging up some other whipping boys, and half-heartedly giving it a go.
I noticed that it is "Pirate day" on google. This seems odd, since "talk like a pirate" day is in September. I guess they did not google that. You can if you like, but that is up to you. Assuredly some of my dear readers are expecting me to tell the story of the worst rendition of the rated "arrrrh" pirate movie. You would be incorrect. Or perhaps you fancy that I speak about sea shanty sings which I have attended. It would be a shame to be that predictable. Instead I give you this:
Whistle While You Lurk (A stalkers guide to life)
It pains me when I hear people badmouthing stalkers. Somehow, a perfectly acceptable practice has been maligned due to misuse. I hear stories about rogue pizza delivery boys. Overzealous coffee buyers. There is also the occasional masked pervert. These are the proverbial "bad apples." These are the Rupert Murdoch's of life. They take normal activity and run amuck like teens at a sock hop, or a box social. What I am attempting to illumine, is this. Stalking is not a bad thing. It is we as humans meet people we do not know.
In order to win back the word "stalk" from the guy who works at IKEA. You know the guy, he greets you at the front, and then sneaks all the way to the food stand by the time you get there. He ogles you, while brandishing Swedish meatballs in a lusty manner! And he knows your name. He is also your facebook friend, yet you don't know because he goes by Linda Pentington. For some reason she is commenting on all your family photos...OK you get the picture. This is creepy. But is that all that stalking can hold for you? I think not.
Many people get angry when I try to tell them that stalking is a neutral word and that it can be used for good. I still feel this is true, though I have never had anyone agree with me. It just seems that we stalk people on a regular basis. How would we meet people we never knew? And if we meet a stranger isn't is wise to try and find out information about them from other sources? It's not like bad people will tell you the truth about themselves all the time. I think that the same can be said for good people. They are not going to brag about their accomplishments if they have any modesty! We have to go up and talk to people we are interested in. Sometimes this means we do legwork in order to figure out who they are. Sometimes it means an online background check. Others private detectives and phone tapping...
Not really, but I hope you get the point. If my readers can prove to me that they have never stalked someone in life, I will probably ignore it as a lie. In fact I have had more than 5 people admit stalking me in the last week alone. It doesn't bother me. I know how to defend myself. And sometimes I would pretend to fight back, and then play dead. But that is unimportant. What matters is that we start trying to get the anti stalkers to quit blaming the creepy ups lady who brought you a jello salad at work, for the good people. A lot of married couples have stalked each other, and over 5% remain married today! So join me and Whistle While you Lurk!
Note: The editor would like to inform the reader that the author was too modest to drive his final nail in the coffin. Surely the reader has heard of Valentines day, February 14th? The day for passionate dinners at Applebees and bargain basement lingerie? Then you must also have heard of Stalking Awareness Month? This occurs in January. Is it a coincidence? Is it a hoax? I don't believe so. It seems that Cupid himself was a fan of stalking, and why shouldn't he be? Riddle me that!