Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Answering hatemail!

Dear readers, I am sorry to inform you about the incredible volume of hate mail I have been receiving for the last 6 hours! In fact it is astounding because I had no idea that 300 passionate people even read The Buzzsaw Report! It seems fantastical, even a little bit scary, but yes, some obviously very talented, and enraged readers have been at my throat all day! In retrospect it makes sense, the fact that I was rollerblading in a Power Ranger outfit was too much for some of you. "It sickens me that you would cavort and catcall like some kind of nerd pervert, or should I say NerdVert!", I'm sorry Denise, I'm sorry. It really is no wonder, my readers have told me before that the idea alone is disgusting. "You make me puke!" said Lucinda, of Walnut CA, "If I was driving with my kids, I would have them throw their Capri Sun's at you! Creep!" OK, I think I get the picture, but can't a grown man have a little fun? Apparently not says Justine from Yelm WA. According to her, and I will paraphrase, she would rather roll around in feces than even look at a picture of the Green Power Ranger! Rough one Buzzman, better luck next time! "You think just because your hella hott that you can get girls by being a disgusting ass?" says DeShonda, "You actin' tha' fool, but I don't want none of that!" It seems that maybe a new strategy for exercise is needed. It was not just the disturbing quality of someone zipping around making lurid catcalls that angered people. Some were just plain mean. "I hate to tell you, but Power Rangers are just generally stupid. It was a bad show. It isn't funny that you claimed to dress like one, just lame. You sound like a pathetic loser. Get a life. I can't believe I wasted time reading this junk! At least the name is good, The BS Report. It is nothing but BS!" So I think I am starting to get the picture, but wait, it gets worse! "I know you are my son, but your writing is so bad that I would rather read brochures for adult diapers than this rubbish" Alright, who told my mom about this? I didn't tell your mom how to create fake facebook accounts so she could become your friend and intrude on your life! Creatively, I think I have had some successes with my writing, but maybe not according to Jay "You sound like a snob who is stretching for any kind of pop culture reference in a vain attempt to sound interesting. And by the way, Power Rangers never had capes. Moron!" And that dear readers was just the first 12 responses! Let me tell you, it got worse WAY before it got better! There were over 175 complaints about the Power Rangers with capes alone. I guess I should do my research before I try and dress up like someone. Well the long and the short of it is, that I think I got a taste of my own medicine, and it might be time to call it quits. So here you are, in finality, I bid you adieu, Buzzsaw

PS- I just wanted to clear the air and say that I was just goofing around when I wrote that Power Ranger piece, I guess I should have taken more time. I am sorry. You will never have to worry about it again.


  1. Seriously? Speedsters all look like Power Rangers: Lance Armstrong, Apolo Anton Ohno

    Mothers and spouses always find out, a shyster once told me. Truth is stronger than deception in the ultimate sense .

  2. Well I thought it was funny...and lighthearted. I think hate mail may be necessary though. Maybe even just to laugh's all BS anyway...why not. They shouldn't need to make themselves feel better by bringing other people down...or trying to anyway. Buy the blue one next :)