Saturday, October 9, 2010

I always dreamed of this!

In my job hunt I have tried to be honest with myself and only check out the jobs that I am qualified for and/or those that would provide an ego boost. Mostly the latter. So of course I started checking out the music ads. While I was doing so I stumbled upon the following. And trust me it sounds really promising. Here you go:

Big Time Singer Search (West Coast / World Wide)

We have the real deal connections to make a hit! We are auditioning powerful vocalists! We have a fabulous studio and all we need is an open minded singer" who can take direction". We like Shinedown/3 Days Grace/Breaking Benjamin/etc and the new genera of guitar singer heavy rock that can rip your face off!. Vocalist should have some experience on stage and in the studio. We have 2 songs Ideas we are forming massive potential. I am a guitar player/keybordist/Recordist, and my partner is a Drummer/Producer/ Arranger, and entrepreneur. This is a real call to the image conscious. "Your Mic's Await"
OK, I must admit that when I saw that it was a big time singer search I felt a little intimidated. This is not some local folk music group that will be performing at the public library. This thing is part of the entertainment machine! And imagine the fear factor that happens when entering a talent search which is WEST COAST & WORLDWIDE! But I gathered my strength, looked back at my international musical adventures, took a deep breath, and jumped in with both feet!
To begin with, if a band has "real deal connections to make a hit", they are not slouches. Not just any band has "connections". In fact a lot of bands struggle for years playing great songs, but simply lack those "real deal connections". Obviously these guys know some bigshots and all they need is that power house singer. Powerful vocalist. Now I know I can sing with power, but I am not sure I have the vocal stamina to perform powerful vocals for an entire 4 hour set (which I assume a connected band would be doing). I am currently gargling saltwater so I will be able to audition properly. And for the next 11 days I will be eating nothing but plain yogurt, humus, and anchovies, three things which I read online are PROVEN to increase both vocal and sexual stamina! A win-win, right? Of course, so is a fabulous studio. Now we are cooking with gas. These guys won't even have to borrow money from a label in order to produce the big hit, so it is only me they are in need of! Of course they are looking for someone who can take direction, they have the connections right? So wouldn't it be fair that the singer would want to do what it takes to make the hit? Of course he would, and so would I.
Now to the influences. Shinedown/3 Days of Grace/ and Breaking Benjamin. It doesn't matter that I have never heard of any of these groups. They are obviously huge, it is my problem for not knowing them. But just to make sure I am going to google Breaking Benjamin. I just did it, and yeah the area multi-platinum selling artists, so these guys are no joke. I have to admit that I REALLY like the name Breaking Benjamin, it sounds awesome. The cool thing is that the band has a guy NAMED Benjamin in the the group, which is funny. I also like the fact that they are looking to start a "new genera of guitar singer heavy rock that can rip your face off"! Damn it is so new that they made up a new word, genera! They aren't sticking to tired old genre's at all! It is face ripping and guitar singer heavy! Wow, and talk about that genera. It's funny that it almost sounds like "generic", but at the same time is totally different. 
Now of course they want an experienced singer, and with a worldwide/westcoast search they are sure to find one. Unless they are all intimidated and get scared off. Well not this guy, I am going for it. Now the next sentence is key: "We have 2 songs Ideas we are forming massive potential". Now, I am not sure if the two songs are called "Ideas we are forming" and "Massive Potential", but if they are it is GENIUS! "Massive Potential" will make them the Motivational Rockers of the next decade for sure. And to be totally honest I think that MoRock is going to be huge. I bet they could get airplay on Dr Phil's show for sure. And "Ideas We Are Forming" is just an inspiration period. Everyday hundreds of people around the world are forming ideas and it would be awesome to have some music to form them to! 
I love how the ad ends, because it introduces the bandmates. One of whom not only is a drummer/keybordist, but is a recordist, meaning he plays the recorder. Now this is cool because Breaking Benjamin do not have a recordist in the band. It is unique. Special. The other mate is awesome too. Because he is a drummer as well as arranger, producer, and entrepreneur. This means he can get the job done with the skins, then he can get you paid! It closes with a call out. They are just baiting the trap with the line about image conscious, because it is for singers, and that is what singers are. Then, they spring the trap by saying "Your mic's are waiting" bam, who could resist it. It is almost like saying, "your groupie is waiting", damn, I am on my way as we speak! without sounding crazy. On the other hand the website only had 46 hits when I clicked on it, and it has been up at least since July, so I can only surmise that either they are crazy, or they have other sources of income, or a lot of gear purchased on credit, or it is an elaborate hoax, or the are crazy. Buzzsaw signing off, and yes I know I can do better, but craigslist was thin today!

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