Tuesday, October 12, 2010

OK, now I know I have a problem...

So as I procrastinate again, I should go for a bike ride its a beautiful day, instead I turn to the internet to provide my entertainment, which I hope I can in turn, provide entertainment with. Once I regurgitate it. OK, so I am loving the platonic ads, because as I mentioned, they are so much more than just platonic. I don't know why I am so interested in this sort of thing, perhaps because I am jobless and have no girlfriend, so I like to see what others are doing, in hopes that I can get one myself. Of course I am fully convinced that the people posting on Craigslist would be good role models. How else could you be so cavalier as to think that your random little advertisement would work? You would only do it if you knew it did. Otherwise you would get suckered into paying for a dating service. That is what all the truly crazy people do. All the smart ones go to the free site, and pretend to be insane, thus solving all their problems. At least I think that is how it works. [I am currently in the second draft stage of at least 14 different potential posts, when I am truly happy with the language, they will be going online] So just to show you how easy it is, I am going to show you one of the posts I used to get a LOT of dates. And remember, it was in the platonic section. That is where everyone in the know always looks. So here is what I posted:

Just a friend to trust a few secrets - m4w - 30 (Deerfield )

Date: 2010-10-10, 2:44AM EDT
Hi. Don't know really why I'm doing this. But I guess I'll spill my guts Honestly I have no one that I can talk to or trust. My life is complicated and overtime I lost who I really am. I'm not trying to find someone to bother with my problems but to be an scape from everything. I do value friendship and I admit I believe in love probably I am a hopeless romantic. Anyway I hope someone find this interesting enough. Email me and I will send you my pic. Thanks. :)

The first thing you should notice is that I used some key words that will peak the interest of any woman. Friend, how many times have you been told what a great friend you make. You use this to make her feel like it is just something "platonic" and that of course that is all that is intended. When in reality it could not be farther from the truth. Trust. This one is of utmost import. It is the top dog in relationship babble. Trust do you trust me? Hell no! Not when you are holding that gun babe, now just put the gun down, OK, just put it down [grab] OK now I trust you! Secrets! Aha, bingo, now she is hooked. It is like waving a loaded crack pipe in front of a junkie! There is no way she can resist. She thinks she is going to get some kind of scoop or gossip, when in reality, she is going to be getting some top-secret loving! The secret is "we just had sex my platonic friend!" Hurray! Now this posting is almost overloaded with the perfect language. Honestly. Trust. Friendship. Hopeless romantic. It is like releasing an a-bomb onto the web. It is so good it could cause a chain reaction, and possibly destroy the internet! Which is why I changed it. I was scared of the consequences. So if you want to write the perfect post. Simply send me you bank account information, your PIN number, and any credit cards that have not been maxed out, and I will write it for you!

Note: This piece is a joke and Buzzsaw did not write the craigslist post. He was in fact scared by it which is perhaps why during the course of the blog he tried to claim authorship. Also, he is really really jealous. Because he is just sitting around. And at least the author will have e-mails to answer, as well as secrets to tell. Seriously, I did not write it. I am much crazier than that and could never have thought of it. And if the posting appears in Seattle, it is probably because whoever wrote it moved here. And it is highly likely that he will. I think. Oh, I hear the doorbell, gotta go.


  1. ditto

    This blog could be yet another book, for girls: A Big Brother's Pointers On Creeps & Dating Online. Social subtexts aren't that obvious to the innocent; what with the internet and media there might not be too many of them left!, but not everyone has a dad or brother looking out for them *platonically* :)