Friday, October 8, 2010

Be afraid, be very afraid!

I decided that since this is a “report” that I should perhaps go out and find different things to “report” on. And since I am waiting around the house for a friend to show up, and I don’t have shoes on, I thought “why not stay with the times and just do it on that internet thingy”, so I did! I wanted to make sure I was using the most begnine  news sources possible, so as not to offend my readers. So I went to USA Today .com and began my research. Before I even got to their page (I clicked lifestyle), I saw a disturbing advertisement. It was a picture of a credit card with Chase Bank logo. The ad said “Romantic dates? Yes! Blackout dates? No!” I sat dumfounded looking at the screen wondering who in their right mind gave the go-ahead to this shocking phrase. I still have no idea why a bank card will keep you from getting roofies slipped into your drink, and perhaps I never will. But it seems strangely sinister for a bank to threaten you with date rape if you do not use their bank card. What about the people who don’t have bank cards? Will they be going on “blackout dates?”, or what about the people who just want to “be friends”. The terrifying implications are endless. So let me tell you personally, if you want to get raped, bank somewhere other than Chase! If you like to remain unraped and without amnesia, turn to Chase!
The bank ad reminds me of an advertisement which was on the side of the bus this summer in Forks. I knew it was a little behind the times, it is of course Forks, but it was certainly horrific. It said “Catch the bus, not H1N1”! What? If I walk I am going to catch H1N1? Huh? It seems to me that a crowded bus is a much more likely place to catch the H1N1 than any other place! And not to be judgmental, but I have ridden the bus, and you know what is on the bus? A LOT OF CRAZY PEOPLE! Yeah that’s right, a lot of winos, junkies, freaks etc all ride the bus. Of course there are others mixed in, but I have spent my time on the bus and you better believe that it’s true! But at the same time it begs the question, why are we still trying to scare people from riding the bus? If you want people to ride the bus you should not bring up strange diseases and flu-strains! Catch the bus not leprosy!
All this advertising reminds me of a short lived campaign for Corn Nuts. It had a simple jingle that said: Bust a nut, bust a nut, bust a nut with corn nuts! Needless to say it lasted about a week until someone figured out that the advertising team was having a laugh at their expense! So that’s all for now, Buzzsaw signing off!
PS-Here is the corn nuts jingle link:


  1. Hilarious!!!!

    Wonder what you could do with this headline that popped up on my usatoday Your Life section: "Not 'Glee'ful: Do you think atheists are bitter? Atheists say they get a bad rap in pop culture. Latest example: this week's episode of 'Glee' on Fox."

  2. I laughed so hard when I listened to the Corn Nuts jingle that I cried. Then I listned to it 5 more times. Thank you for that!