Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Brothers in Arms

After much contemplation, I decided to write about a topic I have yet to tackle in written form. I know I have spent a good deal of time thinking about it and even talking about it, but I don't think wrote on it even in the winter and spring of this year, when I was doing my early stages of memoir writing. I am sure someone is on the edge of their chair wondering just what old Buzzsaw is talking about. I really don't know why, but I appreciate the fact that someone out there is frothing at the mouth to know. Here it is: squid. Just Squidding, I am actually going to write about the star of Little Ashes, Robert Pattinson, Robert Thomas Pattinson. For all the times people have called me Rob, Edward, Robward, Rick, Ted, Jedward, Richie, or any other damn thing, I have yet to sit down and write about the guy who without knowing is greatly  helping my career go international. Well here goes.
First of all though I do not know him, I have great respect for his talent, and I also think he seems to be quite an all right guy. In fact, I would be willing to bet that if we were to meet, we would probably have a lot of fun together. I bet I could even convince him to drunk dial Justin Bieber! Except with the accent he might say Justin Beebah! Oh well, I think I would be able to smooth that one over, I would have to grab the phone and pretend to be Rob's drunk funny Russian friend Yuri. Sorry I got off track. In all honesty, if I did not think Rob was an awesome guy, I would not be using Richie Pattinson as my handle. Of course there is more to the story of Richie (D-Patz) than just being his fake brother. First of all, I actually came up with it trying to figure out how I would fit in to his family, and since I am 7 years older, I realized that I would be the first born, and a son, so Richard Pattinson Jr would be an apt title. Well the more I thought the more I was able to create fake stories about growing up together, which I will not get into at this time. In summary though, through all the research I have done, I actually started to care for Rob in a way an older brother might care for a younger brother. When I see him getting harassed by the media I want to get in their face with a camera asking them probing questions about their sexuality. And I find it slightly discomforting to see some parts of the Hollywood machine, though this of course is from an outsiders perspective, and I have no idea who these people are. In fact there may be an actual need for the people who herd the stars around the Premiers, but I can't wrap my mind around it. Anyway, as far as acting goes, I think he will be a great actor. I have yet to see him in a movie with a story or characters that I am more than slightly interested in, he is a young guy and has taken roles to pay the bills. But I can say this. I know that Water For Elephants and Bel Ami are great stories. I read them, and both of the books were the type that I could not put down. As for Twilight, that is a book I couldn't pick up. It felt like a million pounds. I have to admit, I am "savouring" Breaking Wind, it is like a fine malt liquor. That said, I actually think he is really good in Twilight. I mean the character is so weird, who could play Edward? Not me, I would be urinating in my pants and laughing the whole time. I would have been fired. Plus I am too old. But back to Rob, I also like his music. Some people like it some people hate it. I don't care. I am not afraid to brag a bit, but I was a program director at a radio station, I am an award winning DJ (most Creative DJ 2004, KCWU Ellensburg), and I was offered an DJ position ant KPIG Santa Cruz. I know enough about music to say that I think he has talent. That said, I also think it is a damn good thing he made it in film, because he seems too shy to be a professional singer songwriter. Also it is a good way to starve. If I was not a welder and construction worker, I would be starving too. Well maybe, you never know. I personally held off on jumping in to music because I knew I lacked the maturity to deal with some of the temptations and the musicians lifestyle. Now I am thinking, its time to go for it, lets rock. So the strange part for me is, I was already doing music and acting. I was doing music and acting before Stephanie Meyer wrote in her diary, and now I am stuck being a character I never was, and who quite honestly I think is a boring uptight jackass! Thank God the twihards are so nice, if they were as bad as people make them out to be I would be the angriest man in America. Of course it is a little easier for Rob to deal with it, if he never did another movie than the Twilight Saga, he could retire a wealthy man, and never be seen by the public again. The cool thing is that he is doing other movies and they are going to be good. The people who say that he is going to be stuck as Edward for the rest of his life are not paying attention to him. He will direct great movies within 6 years, probably getting an Oscar at some point in the next 10. At least that is my hope. Jeff Bridges never won until this year, so sometimes those things don't make much sense. But the point is, he is not sitting around thinking about that, he is making art, and artists never sleep. If we are unconscious we are dreaming about art. If we are not listening to you, and we are not, it is because we are thinking about art. Lucky for me I have such a good memory that people think I am listening when I am really not! So where does that put us? Rob is in New Orleans about to make a mint and finally finish working on the Twilight series. I am broke as hell sitting in the upstairs room of my parents house. Rob has the world, at least financially and career wise, but at the same time doesn't know who to trust. I have an album in the works, the beginnings of a book that if I write it could quite possibly sell at least 14 copies, and I have the tenacity of a pit bull. If I would have quit playing music the first time I was told it was a waste of time, or that I was no good, I would be in an office somewhere contemplating suicide. I think that the two of us are going to do something in this world, and I will be damned if I am going to give up without a fight. It seems fairly obvious that Rob is doing the same thing. He has not reacted to bad reviews and criticism except to go and land roles in movies with killer stories. I don't know what his next move will be, but I really hope that it is to hire me to be his number one double, so I can be the bad guy taking pictures of the paparazzi, and he can escape to some resort with whoever he is dating. Lastly, is he dating Kristen Stewart? Who cares! Salut, Buzzsaw


  1. Love it! Rob's other movies have and will be better than the Twilight ones, and I agree that his career will flourish over time, his varying roles allowing him to show his range of acting skills. You should pick up Twilight and give it a read, though I have to agree Water for Elephants is much better. I can't wait to see him play Jacob Jankowski, and it would have been interesting if he played the older Jacob as well - I just love that character!

  2. I have most certainly read Twilight. I am not commenting on that at this time. As for old Jacob, I am so glad that Hal Holbrooke took that role, I am sure that Rob learned a lot from him, he is an American legend, if only for his interpretation of Mark Twain. But fear not I have read Twilight.